Challenge accepted

So for those of you that read the krissiekirby.com blog, you will have seen that I'm taking up my own challenge for 12 weeks to improve my eating habits and fitness levels.

I know some of you may be thinking that there is nothing I could/need to change about my current habits but rest assured there are and most trainers fall into a habit of sorting plans and nutrition for their clients while sacrificing their own regimen. Well, I have fallen foul of that in the last few months since I started the business and it's starting to show.  I feel lethargic, lacking in energy, motivation and my discipline has gone out the window with the chocolate wrappers that once held the bars I've been vehemently scoffing.

It's time to reset and get myself back in order, after all I am my product and I can't expect anyone to buy my services if I look all loose and floppy (these are highly technical terms, honest 'guv!).

When I started KrissieKirby.com the idea was not only to have the physical face to face side but also a virtual arm, where I could take on a small number of clients and give them something structured but with a degree of flexibility and be adaptable for their particular circumstances, as no two people are the same.  Of course this virtual system has to be put together and tested, tweaked and perfected, and so far it's taken a bit of a back seat to the rest of the business while I concentrated on getting Forest Fitness and Pole Port Talbot up and running. At the same time, my own training schedule fell by the wayside even though I have had runs and OCRs to train for.  I have been more than lackadaisical. 

So today I put out the initial feelers for the first 12 week programme. The idea is that for 12 weeks, 12 participants will follow my plan, with some minor amendments to personalise the plans to each participant and for me to help them get back on track; with a view to really seeing a change in their lives in general, not just in their waistlines.  But as with all things I do, I'm not prepared to let someone do something I won't. So instead of a focus group I've decided to do the challenge myself and blog, vlog and log about it to show how achievable it is.  Yes, I am putting my name to the test and why not?  I believe so much in what I do that I'm willing to put my own journey out there (or on here) for everyone to see, similar to when I first started this blog. I'm just going to put this here, first as last, that there will not be any meal replacement shakes, or 'nutritional' shakes included in this plan. I firmly believe that with the correct planning and education you can maintain a well balanced diet and a single multi vit tablet is just as good if you are defitient in any nutrients and aren't able to get them from your food.  Just to be clear :)

So here goes!

I believe that the weighing scales are purely an indicator of our relationship with gravity. Most people don't believe that I am over 11 stone in weight when I tell them, but it's true. I've got good muscles ;) but I do have a higher than I would like body fat percentage (currently at 28%) and my waist to hip ratio is slightly higher than the recommended number.  So this is where I want to focus my attention and fat loss is what we're always aiming for. There is a phrase I've just used that is key to this, 'higher than I would like", this is important because fat loss and healthy living is about the person on their journey and how they feel.  So I'm really not bothered what happens on the weight side of the issue, for me personally it's more about the hip to waist ratio and body fat percentage going down.  If I lose a few pounds in the process, I'm not complaining but I don't want to lose muscle, as muscle is most definitely the fountain of youth.

My starting stats:

Weight - 162.2lbs

Waist - 35 1/4 inches
Hips  - 41 3/4 inches (giving a waist:hip ratio of 0.87)

Body fat percentage - 28.30%

I will be on week 8 of the challenge when it officially launches, so as I work towards the launch I will do an update of my stats every fortnight as well as blogs and vlogs in between, so you can see how I get on. It's going to be an interesting experiment and one that I hope will inspire 12 souls to embark on and let me help them show them what they can achieve.

So until the next blog, be kind to yourself always, YOU ROCK!

Krissie
x

O Brave New World...

I was going to title this blog 'When one door closes...' but to be honest, it's me who has closed the door to open a great big french window on a brave new world.  So to say when every door closes another opens would be slightly misleading in the context of this post.

Farewell desk job!

Today I have handed back the keys to my lonely office.  I have taken all my posters down, packed up my posessions in three large boxes and removed my kitchen gagetry from the corner, where they have been for the last 2 and half years.  As I cleared out the office this week, I found things that I had brought with me from the last office that I'd not looked at in all that time. Needless to say, there has been a lot of decluttering going on, and I have found it so very cathartic, almost as though I am cleansing the stress that this place has imbude upon me from my whole system.

While the job has been great in terms of money and experience within the office and the Higher Education environment, it has also been slowly sapping all the joy out of the bulk of my day.  I have to be honest, I had come to seriously dislike the person it was turning me into.  I suppose I have learned that to be happy, I do not need material things that a well paid job will bring.  I have more spring in my step now that I know I will be helping other people change their lifestyle habits with food and exercise; that hopefully some of my passion for fitness and activity will rub off on those who employ me to beast them in the gym/outdoors on a regular basis.

Here's to making it memorable :)

For years, while I was on this journey of re-self discovery, I strived to find where my happiness lay and I think that it is something all of us, at some point in our lives, will go through (not necessarily the weight loss but definitely the seeking of happiness).  I honestly thought that by losing some weight I would suddenly turn into a happy person and be completely content with my life. And for a little while it did and I was.  Once the inital 'yes I'm now a normal weight' honeymoon had worn off, I realised that I was still as miserable as sin on the inside.  No matter what I was doing, I was just desperately unhappy.  Now I had to look less on the surface and start really doing some hard work on the inside.  And that was when the lightbulb moment hit. Work was making me unhappy. Every day I would whine about things that had happened at the office or that someone had done that, while to me common sense said otherwise, they had done the exact opposite.  I realised that I was at the head of culture change in an environment that didn't necessarily want it. Now for those who know me well, you will know that change is something that doesn't frighten me in the slightest.  If it did I wouldn't have lost the amount of weight I had, and I would be still sat on the sofa indulging in 6000+ calorie meal on a Friday night.  I had to accept that while I embrace and welcome change, others view it with distrust and in some cases distain and no matter waht I did to help make the change easier to swallow, it was fought against in such a way that the anger and frustration was directed at me on a continuous basis.And that was where the unhappiness stemmed from. While I know their anger, frustration etc wasn't about me as a person it got to a point where it had become too much.

That still makes me grin like an idiot

This realisation that change was the over arching factor, lead me to look at what change I really needed to make to find my own happiness.  After a set to with a colleauge one summer and really assessing what I wanted to do and who I wanted to be in life, i realised I had to sit back and take stock.  And I think that is something everyone must do at somepoint in life.  Whether it instigates a massive life changing event or just allows us to continue on the knowldge that we are excatly where we should be is neither here nor there.  The important thing is that we are able to accertain that we are happy or not. If we are happy, more power to us, and if not then a change, on some scale, needs to happen.  For me a big change needed to happen.  I needed to find my bliss, something that would make me wake up looking forward to the day, not filled with dread and loathing. And boy have I found it.

I start officially on Monday (April 8th) when the final website goes live (only 16 months after I purchased the domain) but I'm already excited. I have 3 clients already, and a few more that are meeting me to see if I'm the trainer for them.  And while I have been offered jobs at gyms (and big gyms at that), I don't think that is the path for me.  I joke a lot about wanting KrissieKirby.com to be a global brand name.... but what if it was?  I may as well give it a shot, because what do I have to lose? Nothing really, but everything to gain. And I have never been one to live by 'what if'.

So the door on the office has closed, and here I am, hands on the push plate, ready to throw open the french doors on a brave new world.

This should be fun, hard work and long hours, but fun.

Be kind to yourself, as always

Krissie
xx

Well that was 2012....

So 2012 had it's serious highs and devestating lows.

Triaxis 2012
Photo by Owen G Richards

All in all, most of the year has been fantastic. The band got signed, we released the new album, we toured outside of the UK for the very first time and we got to play (albeit an acoustic set) at one of our favourite festivals. These were definite HUGE highlights of the year and something I am fiercly proud of. For those of you who have been paying attention you know how much music means to me.  So for the band to have taken the steps that we did this last year, it has really been something special and worth all the blood, sweat and tears.  So a massive thank you to everyone who bought and album, came to a gig, got a tshirt or just introduced a friend to our music; you are all awesome and the reason we do what we do. We appreciate it so much.

But in 2012 I realised a number of things, achieved a few personal goals and fell in love with some new ways of keeping myself active.

Kirby & Roberts
Trouble is our middle name!

In January I took up Pole Dancing, as you may have heard me mention in the odd post. It was something that I had been meaning to do for a long time, but had always used that lame excuse of 'I don't have enough time'.  So I made time for one class a week and instantly fell in love with it.  It's hard to explain what I love about it but it gives me a new found confidence and something to build my strength for.  As anyone who works out will tell you, while we love the feeling we get from exercise it is still handy to have something to work towards the forces us to switch up routines etc.  For me a huge motivator is pole. As a unexpected and exceptionally welcomed plus point, the instructor at my pole school also happens to be a raving nutcase (in a very good way) and someone who shares my sense of humour.  She has fast become one of my closest and dearest friends and I am blessed to have met her (yes Roberts, I'm gushing about you again).

Pole Pride Showcase
May 2012

In May I took to the stage for my first pole performance.  September, I joined the ranks of the Pole Pride Performers ( a great bunch of girls and boys who are a joy to be around and are exceptionally talented), and then this month we had a second showcase at which I performed all in aid of a local cancer hospice and so far between the two shows we've raised £1600.  For something that started outside my comfort zone, I feel very at home performing on the pole.  And to top a year of poling off, in October I took part in my first professional Pole Photo shoot with the very wonderful Miss Moth Photographic Arts.  I think what I love about Pole Dancing, isn't only that it challenges my fitness and body strength but that it also forces me to seek a grace between each transition, to not just plough into trick or spin without adding some flow to the movement. It speaks to my outward front person and inner frustrated dancer.  It's a marrying of disciplines and something I will definitely be progressing further in 2013.

First Pole photo shoot Oct 2012

With Alethea Austin

I also had the great opportunity to have masterclasses with two of the world's greatest pole dancers.  In June I had the privilege of managing my first invert under the guidance of the amazing Pantera Blacksmith (who has the most amazing tattoo) and then at the start of this month I got to do two classes with the equally brilliant Alethea Austin, who (with a LOT of help from Dawn) gave me tips to enable me to do my first shoulder mount (Alethea appears in the Tom Cruise film, Rock of Ages based on the West End show). I have also signed up to gain my basic pole instructor qualification (REPs recognised) with the wonderful KT Coates. 2013 is going to be a very busy year but more about that later on ;)

Continuing with the fitness theme (well this is a fitness blog after all), I also fell madly in love with obstacle course racing.  In 2011 a good friend posted a video to my Facebook wall about a race called The Spartan Sprint. This video had me intrigued.  I watched with wonder at these people happily flinging themselves through lakes, rivers, over walls, crawling under cargo netting and barbed wire, jumping over fire pits and battling Spartans with pugil sticks to win a shiny medal.  Curious about this wondrous vision, I started to research this possible new fitness madness that I could get involved in. (As with pole again I need to have something outside of the just the usual routine to work towards or I notice I get lazy with my workouts - I am my own worst enemy as many of you will have gathered reading previous posts).  I soon realised after watching, reading and learning all I could about the Spartan series that it was more than just wanting to win, more than just the shiny medal at the end, it was about finishing no matter what.  It was about facing obstacles head on regardless of what you expect and just getting to that finish line because then you know.

Boobs and Determination
I have an abundance of both ;)

So in September of this year, OH and I donned our trail runners and with a knee injury in tow ventured to Atherstone in the Midlands to take part in our first Sprint. Yes the Spartan tag line seems convoluted, and kitsch but in all seriousness you do know at the finish line just what you are capable of. Running 6.5km over 15+ obstacles with a knee that was on fire for the last 2.5km, wading through 2.5km of river water and falling face first into red dyed ice, well that was possibly the most fun I have had in LONG time.  It was something I was looking forward to and something that I enjoyed beyond my initial expectations.  It also opened a whole new community to me and one I am fiercely proud to be a member of, The Spartan Chicked Group. I was thrilled with a bad knee and queues at the obstacles we finished with a respectable time of 1hr 40mins.

Best fun ever!

RARR Zombie!

So with the love of obstacle course racing now firmly planted in the nogging, CJ, Giles, OH and I took part in the inaugural Zombie Evacuation Race in Cambridge in October.  It was an absolute hoot.  Nowhere near as much mud as the Spartans but the main obsactle this time were the zombies and they were absolutely brilliant.  With the course being over 5km, much of which was open running through sleet and rain, the obstacles came in to force near the end of the run with the greatest being the zombies. And the knee, although painful towards the end, was no where near as excruciating as it had been before I started the rehabilitation of rest, acupuncture and slowly rebuilding my strength training programme. It's given me a new found insight into what lies ahead in my role as a Personal Trainer and has highlighted the importance of finding a good physiotherapist who will help me look after my body while I get others in shape.  For Christmas this year, OH and I have bought each other season passes for 2013 Spartan Series in the UK. I can't wait...watch out Hobbi Call ;)

CJ and me at the Race for Life
Cardiff 2012

2012 also saw my 6th Race for Life, with my best girl CJ accompanying me on her 2nd Race for Life.  As most of you know this is the main charity that I fundraise for, and is something very close to my heart, likewise with CJ and Giles.  So I am thrilled to say that over the last six years we have raised £1910 and on top of that HMRC have given £481.27 in gift aid.  I can't begin to tell you how pleased I am that people have given money to us girls who race around a park on a summer's morning/evening having a good giggle, and a knowing nod at the pink patches.  Understanding how everyone of those ladies feels for the ones they love who have suffered and lost or survived cancer makes it important for myself and CJ that we keep doing our small part. And as a whole, it's something we support as a band. So a huge thank you to everyone who sponsored us in 2012, we will be running again in 2013 and I shall keep you posted.  I hope you'll help us get over the £2000 total.

Sadly 2012 had it's serious downside. In late September we received the news that Gav's beloved cousin James McCubbin had suffered a heart attack and had passed away.  This floored us completely, not least due to James only being a few months younger than myself and had died aged 36. But also in that his wife is fighting breast cancer.  It left the family utterly devastated and in a state of disbelief.  I can hear his laughter when I think of him.  He was a man who loved life and we have to accept that he is no longer present in person, but lives on in how we live by loving life as he did and by remembering him with love and fondness. We miss you Jim.

However the year is ending on a high, the album launched to great reviews, we toured, and my first proper training client has messaged me to say she's lost her first stone in weight just by changing two simple habits in her diet and moving more.  I'm so proud of her, she's a great person and with three children and husband, and helping out at her mother's shop, she's done amazingly well proving that if you want it, nothing will stop you.  Well done, Femi, I'm so very, very proud of you :D

Before 2006                 After 2012

In my own weightloss journey I hit a few milestones. Firstly I officially ceased to be clinically overweight.  I dropped to a weight where no longer do the medical bods think that all my problems are weight related.  As anyone will tell you, who is overweight, it becomes a bit of a bind when every time you go to the doctors the first thing they say is 'oh it's because you are over weight'.  It's frustrating. I also had a mental breakthrough and it came in the simplest of ways.  For years as you know I have battled with 'Pandora' my naysaying inner voice and I struggled to find ways to get her to shut up.  After my pole instructor said it was time to put some before and after photos up on Facebook, I sucked up the corage to confront my old pictures and see the me as I was.  Boy was I in for a shock.  I didn't recognise me at all in that picture, and you can read my blog about how it felt to share that picture here. But finally saying sorry to myself and forgiving myself whole heartedly for what I had done finally quietened the voice down.  Finally she sat back and it was as if she said 'There, that's all I was after.' I know look at that picture and think, 'well done me'. And rightfully so, I'm proud of how far I've come, and though I am no longer fat, I have some fat that I would still like to lose but the weighing scales don't have the control on me that they once had and that is a HUGE breakthrough! This is now about just getting me to where I feel comfortable in myself, but for the most part I already do.  But there is always room for improvement.

So as 2012 draws to a close, I recall that for the most part it's been a fantastic year, with the band going from strength to strength, the fitness side of things really picking up, my own fitness and weightloss journey continuing in great strides what is left for 2013.  Well, I am always on a journey of self discovery and 2013 is the year that things will change greatly.  I have plans afoot that will come to realisation in the first quarter of the year.  The band will be back on the road and who knows where that will take us. I am studying to finish the final assessments of my Personal Training Cert as well as taking my Exercise to Music qualifications and pole training qualifications.  I have so many fitness quails I want to take to really increase my flexibility and adaptability to the ever changing world of fitness. I am also looking at ways to incorporate obstacle course training into basic personal training to give my clients something different to the run of the mill bootcamp style training.  All in all, 2013 is looking to be a great year, and while I am sure there will be hurdles and dips, the highs will once again outweigh them greatly.

So to everyone who has read my blog over the last year, thank you for reading my ramblings.  It is appreciated.  And I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and a very Happy New Year.

Here's to 2013 and don't forget to be kind to yourself, you ROCK!

Much love
Krisse
xxx

Do what you love to love what you do :D

Photo Credits:  Triaxis group photo: Owen G Richards
                         Kirby & Roberts: Kat Jennings
                         Spartan Pics: SpartanRace.com
                         Zombie Evacuation: ZombieEvacuation.com
                         Pole Pride Shocase and Photoshoot: Miss Moth Photographic Arts
                         Krissie performing picture: Anthony May, FestivalPhoto
                         All others property of KrissieKirby.com

Well I’ve been a bit lax....

...in updating both blogs, sorry.  It’s all been a bit hectic for reasons that will be apparent if you head over to the sister blog of this page. And this blog is going to be rather long, sorry in advance!

So fitness, weight loss and personal development; where do I begin? Last time we spoke I had hit that Valhalla of mental states where I was finally happy in myself. Unfortunately that took a turn back to old habits about two weeks ago and I’ve kicked, screamed and clawed my way back out of the maddening abyss that is low self esteem to regain my place back in the sun.

It all came to a head on Saturday last weekend (my wedding anniversary as well, my poor OH, how he copes with all this is anyone’s guess). We had decided to take the day as a complete rest day, no gym etc.  We went shopping in my nation’s glorious capital and planned to have a slap up meal and then on to the cinema to watch The Dark Night Returns.  In TK Maxx the horrors descended with alarming pace.  I got hot and flustered, my temperature raised and my temper flared.  It’s not pretty when the red mist of self loathing descends. It’s quite scary not just for me but for my other half.  Sat in the changing cubical I had those thoughts again; the ones where I want to punch myself hard and take a knife to my fat.  Those thoughts of utter worthlessness and the voice that screams at you to ‘grow up and act your age, stop trying to be something you’re not’.  I thought those feelings and thoughts were long gone, but they reared their head in alarming fashion. And I became so scared, really very scared, then very angry.  On leaving the changing room I handed the assistant everything, looked at OH and said that I wanted to go home. So we left Cardiff and headed homeward with me sobbing my heart out.

What brought on this apparent sudden U turn in my mental state, I can pinpoint pretty accurately. The weather in the UK has been awfully drab, wet and humid which doesn’t instil smiles and happiness in the most positive of people, recent photographs of me performing haven’t been complimentary at all, and the IT Band issue has hampered my training. I’ve felt very frumpy and frustrated. Add to that my disappointment in myself with returning to old habits of secret binge eating of chocolate and crisps, and I guess it was just waiting to explode.  I’m glad it happened when it did and not 3 months down the line when I have every possibility of it spiralling out of control.

Half way home, I asked OH to turn the car into an out of town shopping complex and we had a lovely wander around, I bought myself some new trail shoes for a new goal I’m setting myself and we had our slap up meal of grilled chicken and salad (the waitress looked at us daft when asked for no potatoes or sauce) and then dessert was my small salted popcorn at the cinema whilst watching Batman (great film, go and see it if you can and if you are a DC fan like me, spot the different story threads from various graphic novels ). The red mist started to lift a little, and Pandora’s screaming tantrum lost a little of its steam.

The one thing I’ve learned on this journey is that you have to be honest if you’re going to journal about it. So that’s why I wanted to write about it here.  I think this whole blog has been so cathartic that it’s made me realise there is a light at the end of the very long tunnel, and though there are light switches along the way, sometimes there has to be a power cut to help you refocus and march to the next switch and turn the light back on again. The light isn’t fully back on yet, I know from experience that it takes a few days but there’s a flickering ember on the filament and that tells me the power is there just building up in the background so a little time and it’ll be back to full wattage.

Team Triaxis

Apart from that, everything else has been amazing!  Well apart from the ITB injury – grrrr.  We had our Race for Life (CJ and I) and we did really well considering I’ve not been able to run more than 3km without the knee giving in. We completed the 5km course in exactly 30 minutes.  So happy with that, and CJ was a godsend, being that little voice of extra motivation when my knee really started to hurt.  We raised £711.50 which I’m thrilled with, especially as OH’s cousin is going through treatment for breast cancer right at this moment. Cancer Research UK is a cause very dear to me as is, so it’s important that I keep doing these races.  One day we will beat it.

6 Races, 6 Medals.
There will be more!

So where am I currently?  Well after my episode on the weekend, I dusted myself off and started afresh almost immediately (no sauce or potatoes remember?), instead of waiting until Monday and thinking ‘Hell, I’ve blown it all anyway I may as well wait until Monday’. No sir, not me.  This time I got myself back together, and stopped the slip becoming the slide. So since then I’ve gone cold turkey on the chocolate and crisps, and to be honest today was the first day I’ve thought ‘ooh I fancy...’ but I’ve dug my heels in.  It’s just not worth it. Since Sunday I’ve been back to clean-eating; lots of vegetables, lean proteins, brown rice, fruit and nuts. Water is the order of the day, and lots of it.  And within five days I noticed my skin was much clearer, I have more energy and I'd lost the weight I had regained through my binge eating plus and extra pound for good measure.  My body fat is finally sitting at exactly 30%, only another 5% to get shot of so I’ll be in the healthy range.

I have sought physiotherapy for the injury and it was as I thought, I have IT Band Syndrome. My symptoms have been caused by something we in my pole school have affectionately termed ‘lazy arse syndrome’.  The medial gluteus has ceased to take on its correct function and a couple of the muscles in the quadriceps have taken control instead, so the leg chain is all out of kilter.  I have a weak posterior Medial Gluteus on the right hand side (for all you anatomy buffs out there). And instead of that dictating the movement of the leg chain, the body has opted for the strong muscles to take over.  The pain that this ‘cheating’ creates is unbelievable.  It’s like someone scraping a razor blade on the lateral side of the knee. Because the work is being done by the quads, the IT band has shrunk slightly and starts to rub on the outside of the knee joint, hence the pain on the top of the tibia. However, treatment is simple and it doesn’t stop you doing the vast majority of your workouts, just running becomes painful after around 3km, so no running for me for a while until the IT band resumes its correct position in the leg and I do some interesting Pilates based leg exercises to strengthen my gluteus. I just have to be patient and not try to run before I can walk (quite literally in this case).  I’ve switch the treadmill for the cross trainer but I have an appointment next week to see if I can resume short 1.5/2km runs to see how the IT band is doing.

Pole has been going from strength to strength, and that’s not just figuratively speaking.  I have conquered the cross ankle and cress knee releases after overcoming my fear of just letting go. I have mastered the Eye Opener (or Hello Boys) and Lady garden wrist seat positions, Crucifix hold is in place and I’m now inverting and did my first inverted crucifix with Dawn’s guidance.  We have also started a Choreography and Sass class and have the most fun doing routines to some cracking rock tracks.  My upper body strength is on the increase all the time.  I love pole, it’s the best fun ever.

I’ve taken on my first client with weight loss coaching. She’s a wonderful, amazing and talented woman and I’m thrilled she’s asked me to be her coach.  In many ways she’s been a great help to me to regain my focus as well.  After all I can’t be a coach to someone if I’m not leading by example?  I’m really excited about helping her fulfil her goals.  She’s so determined and positive; she’s a real breath of fresh air. 

I’ve completed the nutrition element of personal training (very happy with that) and have just received my advanced anatomy and physiology course book as well as the dates for the taught section of my Advance Training Approaches module.  Once those are complete I only have two remaining modules and I qualify as a Certified Personal Trainer.  While I’m building my client base I will start working on the three modules to progress to Advanced PT and the Level 4 module in Obesity and Diabetes. I have a plan written out and so far, apart from the hiccup in Nov 2011 where we had to pay for a new kitchen roof, all is on course for 2013 to be the year I start the Personal Training arm of the new venture in full swing.  I am beyond excited.

I've also set myself a new goal.  I've joined the Spartan Chicks and am gearing up to compete in the Spartan series of races. These are obstacle races set over varying distances.  The Sprint is over 3miles, the Super over 8 miles and the Beast over 12 miles, there is also the Super Beast which is marathon distance (26.2miles) and the Death Race, an endurance event over 48 hours and no real know distance mixing mud, obstacles, metal agility and stamina. Yep I'm going to get myself muddy in the name of fitness and fun.  Mostly because I want to do them, but secondly because why the hell not?  I'll start out slow with a few Sprints, and work my way up. And, if all goes well fitness wise, I'd like to attempt the Trifecta in 2014 and the the Super Beast and Death Race in 2015 - when I'll be celebrating hitting 40 ;)  So something to aim for.

You better believe it!

Strangely putting all that down in this blog has made me smile and appreciate that I’ve done a lot of late and I have much to look forward to.  I’ve been through a small rough patch but ultimately in the grand scheme of things everything is still very positive. The injury will improve with care, my self esteem is back in the increase and even the weather has improved slightly (for how long is anyone’s guess).  Told you this blog thing was cathartic. Here’s a little motivational poster I found on the day I had my attack of the horrors, it reminded me that sometimes we need to look back to appreciate where we are going:

Be kind to yourself, even when that voice shouts and you can’t hear anything but her.

Much love, as always,

Krissie 

xx

By Jove, I think I've cracked it.....

Well, when I say cracked it, I don't think I've figured out a definitive 'this is what you should do way' of ensuring you feel comfortable in your own skin, but for me personally I've had a bit of a breakthrough.

I suppose a lot of it has been to do with the accepting that I'm not wonder woman after all, that I can't do everything and also that I need to just let certain things go, drift off and not worry about them so unnecessarily. It's been quite the breakthrough 12 months since I decided that I needed to start figuring out what exactly it would take to regain my inner peace.  It rarely bothered me as a kid what others thought of me yet through much of my adult life it's been of massive concern.  I'm still not 100% sure why that is, and if Freud were still alive he'd probably ask my to take a seat and tell him about my mother. But really I think the most of it stems from my weight issues.

And this is where the biggest leap forward comes into play.

2 weeks ago I was sat on the sofa having my usual banter with the hubby and discussing the day's happenings when it dawned on me... I'm really comfortable being 12 stone in weight. I'm not displeased, berating myself, calling myself names, I'm not fat (well technically I'm still overweight according to medical definitions but I'm in the best shape I've ever been in my adult life), I'm active, healthy, in a size 14 (straight off the hanger I might add) and doing the things I love to do.

I actually realised that I might not lose anymore weight, body fat yes and maybe a couple of pounds but I will gain muscle, I will be smaller but I'll still weight roughly the same. And that's OK, in fact that's perfectly fine and I'm happy with that.  I look in the mirror and she's gone, the hephalump, big tonne Bess who stared at me for so many years, and Pandora is really quiet, no snide quips, no derogatory remarks.  I look in the mirror and for the first time in a very long time I actually see me.  And she's not half bad.  This is a massive leap forward, I'm utterly accepting of myself and though I might still want to ditch some body fat (but that's because I want to have that sleek muscular look) the number on the scale is finally meaningless.

So this breakthrough comes, and I decide that to really ensure I'm looking after my new found mental equilibrium that it's time to just do some final adjustments on my food habits.  Mainly sugar.  I have a reaction to it and I break out in spots. I'm pretty sure it causes my skin oil to increase production and I can always tell when I've had a lot of sugar as I have an outbreak.  So out went the daily treats and now it's a couple of squares (literally 2) of chocolate, maybe some berries and cream, and possibly on the odd occasion a Krissie friendly cake from Starbucks, but otherwise the rice cakes with chocolate and the ginger truffle squares have all been ditched (plus as they are all free from, they cost a bomb too). The decision on the sugary treats was reached last Friday when the last of the cakes in the cupboard were eaten.  We just decided not to buy anymore.  So last Friday (May 27th) that was that.  I get on the scale yesterday morning (to check my body fat percentage more than anything) and BAM, I've lost 3lbs in weight and 2% body fat.  GO FIGURE!

I'm now at 165lbs, I've lost a total of 85lbs.  And to top it all off, I'm 1lb away from being no longer clinically  overweight.  For the first time in 15 years, if that last pound drops off, I'll cease to be overweight officially.....

That's made my day, that has. Oh and I managed 40 full press ups on Tuesday this week, not all in one go of course, I did a set of 10, then did my cardio drill, then did 10 repeated my cardio drill and so on and so forth.  Which reminds me tomorrow I'll update my workout page.  BUT, and this is the huge thing. If I do ever get to 10stone 10lbs (150lbs) then great but you know what, it's absolutely no biggee if I don't.  I really am finally happy in my own skin and I don't think it's the number on my scale, that's not important anymore.  I think what's helped me reach this milestone has been all the research into eating habits, thought processes of why I was turning to food, learning to let go of issues new and old and ultimately realising only I have the power to make myself happy or sad, and I choose happy every time.  Nothing beats this feeling.... not even chocolate.


As always, be kind to yourself, you deserve it.

Much love

Krissie
x

Another Non Scale Victory....hurrah!

So for, oh I don't know how long, I've been on the hunt for a pair of jeans that will not make me look like I'm wearing incontinence pants or that I'm wearing a waist band a size too small giving that 'muffin' top impression - or worse still both at the same time, which is what my current jeans appear to do.

I have hunted high and low, scoured through racks of jeans, cotton jeans style trousers, bootcut, slim leg, skinny, wide leg, jeans at full price, half price and all the other various offers there have been with no sign of finding a pair that fit, or will not stretch too far and will not make me feel like I'm not a frumpy old bird on stage.

Lo, today broke that trend.  The hubby and I decided to go shopping.  Mainly for me to find some new training bottoms, but I thought what the heck, lets take a trip to the Levi's store and see what they've got.  I've not been able to go in that store without feeling like the fat pretender for a very long time.  The last time I owned a pair of kosher Levi's jeans I was about 23 and weighed about 145lbs. Today I decided to suck it up and see if I actually had achieved one of the win conditions I set myself 6 years ago or if I was still going to be that blubbering wreck in the changing room as I have been in the past.

You see, I distinctly recall when a friend of mine was getting married.  My mother being the wonderful woman she is, took me shopping (my big sister came along too) to buy a new outfit for the wedding.  I tried on various outfits and eventually I had to settle for a skirt and jacket ensemble that did nothing for my figure or self esteem. I broke my heart in the changing rooms that day.  Nothing I tried would fit bar this purple mottled suit. Not my best week by a long shot.  The daft thing is that this didn't stop the downward spiral. I got bigger after that day, and I think part of it was the old 'Oh nothing fits now, I'm never going to be thin, I'm never going to be this that and the other'. It's so hard when that thinking becomes the norm.  It's difficult to really break that cycle.  As the years went on, the hubby was witness to many occasions where I would walk out of changing rooms angry with myself, crying at the fact nothing I wanted to wear would fit this size 26 (uk) weighing in at almost 18 stone girl. It wore me out.

But fast forward back to today. Oh my, what a feeling!

I picked up the blackest jeans that Levi's had in store. I chose the pair that (ok they are the widest waist they have at 32 inches) I thought would be the roughly right size.  Now considering that I haven't measured my waistline in about 2 months, I'm thinking at this point I should have actually measured waist and hips before leaving the house but hey ho. I headed to the changing rooms, removed the current jeans (which are 2 size too big now) and placed each leg into the jeans in turn. I have to be honest I was quite apprehensive at this point and I was really waiting for the jeans to hit my upper thighs and not go any further. But no, they slipped on like a glove, the button closed without having the breathe in (how many of us have done that?) and there was no muffin top.  Yes there was a squeal.

I left the changing rooms, the store clerk asked if they were ok, I regaled her with the tale of how it's been 12 years at least since I could fit into a pair of Levi's and then I walked to the counter picked up a second pair and paid - again telling the assistant behind the counter the same story with a stupid big grin on my face (I complimented her on her rather fabulous purple hat so that was my way of thanking her for listening to the exciting ramblings of this loon) and I walked out of Levi's with 2 pairs of jeans and a huge ego boost.

And the upshot of all this?  It's made me ever more determined to hit my target weight loss of 100lbs. Because if that's the feeling I get now, then the feeling I'm going to get when I hit that target is going to be something pretty special.  And yes there will be a huge blog when that day comes.

Be kind to yourself, always.

Much love
Krissie
x

Listen up sweet craving demon in my head....

Yes I think we all have one of these little demons that sit in our head shouting at us loudly, 'Sugar I demand sugar' to the point it drive us insane.

Well today my little demon sugar addict and I have had a chat. I've laid down the law to it and told it that I will plicate it only when I deem it fit. My biggest downfall has always been my sweet tooth.  I have a love hate relationship with sugary things, especially chocolate.  I love sugary treats with a passion, too much passion, but after consumption they fill me with a self loathing and hatred that I gave in to the sweet tooth and that I sabotaged my own great day of healthy eating.  When I say I give in I don't mean I've had 2 squares of Lindt, oh no I'll have eaten the whole bar. There are days I really can't stop myself. I HAVE to have it. 

I'm still learning to forgive myself for these great big misdomenours and eventually I know that my brain will figure all this out. That the little grey cells will realise sugar isn't really needed as I'm getting plenty of polysaccarides from other sources not just that wonderful, dark, silky delight called chocolate.  I know that the old grey matter will catchup eventually, but eventually in now no longer good enough.  Now it's time to take the reigns off the sugar demon in my head and qwell it's cries for sweet satisfaction once and for all.

Yes it's time for self hypnosis.  I'm a firm believer in the power of the mind, that you can be exactly who you want to be through training the brain. It's something that I used when I first gave up smoking and now I'm going back to it.  I'm so close to my end goal. I'm so near I can see the finish line and the new me just beyond reaching our her lean muscular arms, to embrace the old hagard me and subsume her into this bright light of success with her air of gentle but unquestionable self confidence.  She stands there, a shining beacon of what I can create myself to be.  She's also carrying a double platinum disc with the Triaxis logo on and happens to have a certificate for trainer of the year in the other hand. (Well If i'm shrinking my size my other dreams are going to be big ;) )  I have this clear and distinct image of what I will look like at my end goal.  That is now so ingraned into my thinking that nothing will stop me, except this damned demon that craves sugar.

So me and the demon have had a chat, we're having regular morning meetings where, for 30 minutes, the demon gets pounded in to the ground under the feet of that chisled, strong, lean Krissie that's waiting at the finish line with her double platinum disc and Fitness Trainer of the Year certificate.

I'm not saying I'm giving up chocolate, oh no on the contrary, but this is now chocolate consumption on my terms, on sensible terms. This is now the 'this square is suffcient and I do not need to go and retrieve the whole bar' mindset.  This is now, I do not need chocolate with every cup of coffee, the 'I had fruit and a merginue shell with yogurt as a desert, I  no longer need that Raspberry Ruffle at 10pm'. This is that fabled control that we all strive to gain and maintain. This control comes and goes as the journey progresses.  If you've read my other posts there are months where I have it in abundance and then it disappears completely. But now I am resolved, now I feel ready to really tackle this little piece of the puzzle once and for all.

So, sugar craving demon, time for your next therapy session......

Krissie
x

Happy Anniversary Mrs not so much Fatty McFat anymore...

Yes I know, isn't it mad how time flies?

One year ago today I launched my little corner of the inter web, in the hope that some of what I have learned in this tough, long, draining, elating, joyous, trying, testing, educational, but ultimately life changing (and for the better) journey, may be of help to someone who stumbled upon it in their research for their own.  Little did I know that deciding to write the blog would change my life in the way it has.

I have always excepted the journey of weight loss itself to be one that would have the inevitable ups and downs, that things would change not only in the shape and size of the person on the journey but also inside the mind of the person walking this path. I knew when I started back in 2006 that this was a complete change in my life and that no matter how long it would take, it was going to happen and I was going to have to accept change.

What I wasn't expecting were the emails from people asking for my advice, the people in the gym classes asking me to breakdown the routines because I seemed to get them quickly, the people in the fitness room asking me to spot and support them as a gym buddy.  I certainly wasn't expecting people to start telling me their fears and aspirations and how my few words in this dusty corner were helping them in some way.

I know the cynics out there will roll their eyes and say 'oh but bloggers write to gain that attention from the off', but not always.  The web is a wonderful place but like every village it has it's idiots.  It does afford us smaller folk the ability to say something that we think is worthwhile and maybe something that someone else may think is worthwhile too.  The blog started as a way to keep myself accountable. It started as a way for me to really have to face up to the reminder of the journey that I had committed myself to and yet was stumbling upon. It was a tool for me to ensure that I kept on track and that the world and it's Mum could ensure if I floundered there would be someone saying 'Come on kiddo up you get'.  After all falling down is the easy part.

Since I started the blog much has changed.  I went through a period of mental change, hitting my lowest point in August and realising that I was the only person with the power to really make a difference not only in my body shape and size but in my happiness and mindset. Once I realised that for change to happen and that I had to create who I wanted to be (after all if we're hiding we're not moving forward and to move forward you have to create), and not a false image that I was hiding behind, things were still scary but a whole lot less stressful.  Now the journey was tinged with a certain excitement.  After a that low point in August I decided that I would actually make a career out of the whole weight loss and lifestyle change and start to get proper qualifications in fitness and nutrition to back up my own research and advice.  At the start of this month I launched the website, and although it's still under construction for the final part of the venture (the personal training and weight loss coaching arm), the scary excitement is now more of a 'wow I can actually do this' kind of feeling.

Add to that that I lost over another stone in weight and I finally broke the 80 lbs lost barrier, this last year has definitely been one of serious change. So here we go for the final hurdle of the last stone (and a bit) to get me to the weight that I want to be at. Here's to more fitness qualifications and more strings to my bow. Here's to the music side of my life that is going from strength to strength.  And most of all here's to you dear reader, for sharing in a part of my journey.  After all without you reading these ramblings and sending me your questions and messages, I don't think I would have ever had that brainwave back in August 2011 that has lead me down this new path. So thank you very much for all your comments, tweets, Facebook messages and emails.  They have been very welcomed and very inspiring.  I mean that with all sincerity.

So a year gone, here's to another one, here's to some mad cap adventures along the way but mainly here's to health and happiness.

Not bad for 36 eh?

Be kind to yourself, always.
Much love

Krissie
x