Listen up sweet craving demon in my head....

Yes I think we all have one of these little demons that sit in our head shouting at us loudly, 'Sugar I demand sugar' to the point it drive us insane.

Well today my little demon sugar addict and I have had a chat. I've laid down the law to it and told it that I will plicate it only when I deem it fit. My biggest downfall has always been my sweet tooth.  I have a love hate relationship with sugary things, especially chocolate.  I love sugary treats with a passion, too much passion, but after consumption they fill me with a self loathing and hatred that I gave in to the sweet tooth and that I sabotaged my own great day of healthy eating.  When I say I give in I don't mean I've had 2 squares of Lindt, oh no I'll have eaten the whole bar. There are days I really can't stop myself. I HAVE to have it. 

I'm still learning to forgive myself for these great big misdomenours and eventually I know that my brain will figure all this out. That the little grey cells will realise sugar isn't really needed as I'm getting plenty of polysaccarides from other sources not just that wonderful, dark, silky delight called chocolate.  I know that the old grey matter will catchup eventually, but eventually in now no longer good enough.  Now it's time to take the reigns off the sugar demon in my head and qwell it's cries for sweet satisfaction once and for all.

Yes it's time for self hypnosis.  I'm a firm believer in the power of the mind, that you can be exactly who you want to be through training the brain. It's something that I used when I first gave up smoking and now I'm going back to it.  I'm so close to my end goal. I'm so near I can see the finish line and the new me just beyond reaching our her lean muscular arms, to embrace the old hagard me and subsume her into this bright light of success with her air of gentle but unquestionable self confidence.  She stands there, a shining beacon of what I can create myself to be.  She's also carrying a double platinum disc with the Triaxis logo on and happens to have a certificate for trainer of the year in the other hand. (Well If i'm shrinking my size my other dreams are going to be big ;) )  I have this clear and distinct image of what I will look like at my end goal.  That is now so ingraned into my thinking that nothing will stop me, except this damned demon that craves sugar.

So me and the demon have had a chat, we're having regular morning meetings where, for 30 minutes, the demon gets pounded in to the ground under the feet of that chisled, strong, lean Krissie that's waiting at the finish line with her double platinum disc and Fitness Trainer of the Year certificate.

I'm not saying I'm giving up chocolate, oh no on the contrary, but this is now chocolate consumption on my terms, on sensible terms. This is now the 'this square is suffcient and I do not need to go and retrieve the whole bar' mindset.  This is now, I do not need chocolate with every cup of coffee, the 'I had fruit and a merginue shell with yogurt as a desert, I  no longer need that Raspberry Ruffle at 10pm'. This is that fabled control that we all strive to gain and maintain. This control comes and goes as the journey progresses.  If you've read my other posts there are months where I have it in abundance and then it disappears completely. But now I am resolved, now I feel ready to really tackle this little piece of the puzzle once and for all.

So, sugar craving demon, time for your next therapy session......

Krissie
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Happy Anniversary Mrs not so much Fatty McFat anymore...

Yes I know, isn't it mad how time flies?

One year ago today I launched my little corner of the inter web, in the hope that some of what I have learned in this tough, long, draining, elating, joyous, trying, testing, educational, but ultimately life changing (and for the better) journey, may be of help to someone who stumbled upon it in their research for their own.  Little did I know that deciding to write the blog would change my life in the way it has.

I have always excepted the journey of weight loss itself to be one that would have the inevitable ups and downs, that things would change not only in the shape and size of the person on the journey but also inside the mind of the person walking this path. I knew when I started back in 2006 that this was a complete change in my life and that no matter how long it would take, it was going to happen and I was going to have to accept change.

What I wasn't expecting were the emails from people asking for my advice, the people in the gym classes asking me to breakdown the routines because I seemed to get them quickly, the people in the fitness room asking me to spot and support them as a gym buddy.  I certainly wasn't expecting people to start telling me their fears and aspirations and how my few words in this dusty corner were helping them in some way.

I know the cynics out there will roll their eyes and say 'oh but bloggers write to gain that attention from the off', but not always.  The web is a wonderful place but like every village it has it's idiots.  It does afford us smaller folk the ability to say something that we think is worthwhile and maybe something that someone else may think is worthwhile too.  The blog started as a way to keep myself accountable. It started as a way for me to really have to face up to the reminder of the journey that I had committed myself to and yet was stumbling upon. It was a tool for me to ensure that I kept on track and that the world and it's Mum could ensure if I floundered there would be someone saying 'Come on kiddo up you get'.  After all falling down is the easy part.

Since I started the blog much has changed.  I went through a period of mental change, hitting my lowest point in August and realising that I was the only person with the power to really make a difference not only in my body shape and size but in my happiness and mindset. Once I realised that for change to happen and that I had to create who I wanted to be (after all if we're hiding we're not moving forward and to move forward you have to create), and not a false image that I was hiding behind, things were still scary but a whole lot less stressful.  Now the journey was tinged with a certain excitement.  After a that low point in August I decided that I would actually make a career out of the whole weight loss and lifestyle change and start to get proper qualifications in fitness and nutrition to back up my own research and advice.  At the start of this month I launched the website, and although it's still under construction for the final part of the venture (the personal training and weight loss coaching arm), the scary excitement is now more of a 'wow I can actually do this' kind of feeling.

Add to that that I lost over another stone in weight and I finally broke the 80 lbs lost barrier, this last year has definitely been one of serious change. So here we go for the final hurdle of the last stone (and a bit) to get me to the weight that I want to be at. Here's to more fitness qualifications and more strings to my bow. Here's to the music side of my life that is going from strength to strength.  And most of all here's to you dear reader, for sharing in a part of my journey.  After all without you reading these ramblings and sending me your questions and messages, I don't think I would have ever had that brainwave back in August 2011 that has lead me down this new path. So thank you very much for all your comments, tweets, Facebook messages and emails.  They have been very welcomed and very inspiring.  I mean that with all sincerity.

So a year gone, here's to another one, here's to some mad cap adventures along the way but mainly here's to health and happiness.

Not bad for 36 eh?

Be kind to yourself, always.
Much love

Krissie
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