We're all prone to injury and stupidity....

For those of you who follow my madness on myfitnesspal, you'll have all heard me mention that I've been exceptionally intermittent with my trips to the gym.  The reason for that is that I aggravated my iliotibial band a few weeks ago.

A few factors have added to the aggravation but the main reason that my knee joint was slightly out of kilter is that I clattered my foot on the steel frame of my piano stool when practicing a move on my pole at home. I badly bruised the outside of my right foot and in doing so I then started to compensate for the pain in my foot by what is called over pronation. In other words instead of walking naturally, I unconsiously placed more empahsis on rolling the foot inwards so the pain on the outside of the foot wouldn't be felt.  It's something we all have a tendancy to do - you've hurt your elbow so you rest your arm slightly over in the other direction to stop it hurting, but you often don't realise you've done it. Having no idea that this is what I'd done I carried on training and also started running outdoors.

Great read - recommended

A few weeks later I started a new training programme and one that I recommend as it's full of great ideas for excercises that you don't necessarily need a gym for. In this programme there are lots of compound exercises, such as romainian single leg dead lifts (you have a dumbell in one hand and your stand on the opposite leg, you then bend from the hip and touch the dumbell to the floor) and Bulgarian split squats (you have one leg up on a bench and you squat to drop the back knee to the floor - tough little blighters). There is also the overhead squat, and this was where my stubborness came back to bite me on the arse. As I back squat 35kg, I in my finite wisdom thought 30kg for overhead squatting would be fine! WRONG! Instead of dropping to 10kg and perfecting technique, I went all guns blazing with wrong form and did 8 reps at 30kg. Needless to say I soon dropped the weight down (to 20kg, i should have gone lower) and did another 8 reps. I honestly thought my shoulders and knees were about to implode. I instantly did what I do when something doesn't feel right or I don't like it, I decided I couldn't do it and settled on omitting it permenantly from my programme. (Have I mentioned I can be stubborn and obstinate?) I'm also happy to admit when I've gone too far or done something daft, and going that heavy on a new move was just plain stupid.  What I should have done is researched the move on youtube before I tried it in the gym and dropped the weight to the lowest barbell of 5kg and worked up as I have done with everything else - and that is something I recomend to you if you are doing any strength training without a PT (I'd advise you get a PT first as last as they are worth their weight in gold but if you can't youtube is an amazing tool and perfect your form before you move up the weights)

After that interesting take on squatting, I resumed with my split squats, deadlifts etc, a 3km run, used the foam roller, stretched and ended my session. I felt fantastic, overhead squatting dissapointment aside. The following weekend I was at one of my LRP events and on the first night of lots of walking up and down sand dunes etc a searing pain encompassed my right knee. I've not felt pain like that ever. On the flat I was fine, but walking uphill, downhill and attempting to run, I was in utter agony.  The pain eased after the event was over and things went back to normal. I decided that I would give my limbs a rest form the gym for a little while and concentrate on pole for the performance and as life was getting in the way.

I got back in the gym at the end of April and did a 2km run. Towards the end of the run my knee started to aggravate again. Two days later I purchased a pair of new shoes and it was by wearing these flat shoes that I realised that the outside of my right foot was a little painful, and that's when I thought that I had possibly been over pronating my foot. I looked up over pronation and true to form there was the symptom that proved the fact, the lower end of the IT band being caused aggrivation but the knee joint being slightly out of place. Having done heavy weights, ran and treked all over the sand dunes of South Wales while turning my foot in slightly had added to the irritation that was leaving me in agony.

So having made the concious effort to realign my foot and walk correctly, ensure that I foam roller every day and have had my IT band seen to it's all looking good for a full recovery.  I got in the gym yesterday and did a 2.5km run and not a niggle in sight.  This pleases me immensely as I have my annual Race for Life coming up in Juy and I'd like to best my result of 30mins 30seconds for the 5Km from last year.

So the programme restarted on Tuesday, I did a cardio intensive programme on Wednesday and I'll be strength training on Friday (tomorrow).   Must remember that slow and steady wins the race, and if i'm injured I can't run for charity or attend my pole dancing class. Must stop getting too over excited by the new shiny things ;)

Anyways, be kind to yourself always
Much love
Krissie
x

So I faced my fear....

I know I've been harping on about it for the whole week over on my Facebook page but this is something huge for me, well I suppose it's something huge for anyone who has battled with their own self image.  But last Saturday my pole dance school put on a Birthday Showcase to celebrate the studio having been open for a whole year.  Students, seasoned performers and our instructor all put on a show to raise money for Ty Olwen Trust (a hospice for palliative care in Swansea).

We raised the amazing amount of £600.  I am so very very pleased to have been a small part in that.

Getting your legs out in tiny Daisy Dukes for all unsundry to see isn't my usually idea of fun. As you all know from reading this blog I've battled with my own insecurities when it comes to my body and how I (and vainly how others) perceive it. I think it's fair to say we all do, make and female alike. So to not only wear revealing (for me) attire and then to pole dance in said attire to an audience of almost 100 people?? Yep that's a scary prospect. Armed with Rainbow's Lady of the Lake, and adopting the stage name Annie Rage Dio (yeah I know, I couldn't help myself), I donned the denim hot pants, my slashed Iced Earth T and with lots of hair flying about the place I danced a fairly ok routine for 3 and half minutes.  And I actually enjoyed it.

Yep that's me on the pole giving the horns



I am exceptionally proud that even though nerves had rendered me a wreck for the best part of 3 days on the run up to the performance, I still sucked it up and did it.  It was remeniscent of taking that first step into the gym and fearing that everyone was looking at and judging you.  Only difference is this time everyone IS looking at you. You are on your own, it's just you and a 50mm thick, 10 foot tall piece of steel on a platform. As I had said to my fellow students, you can put me on a stage in jeans and a tshirt with mic in hand and I will feel the utterly at home, it's MY stage and you will pay attention. But this, this was something else. 

On the pole you are exposed, there is only your body and how it moves to wow the audience with. There is only your strength and poise to gain approval.  BUT and this was the thing I learned the most from doing this, there is also confidence. Attack it as though it's something you do everyday, and suddenly, what nerves? They flew out the window and I realised, 'hang on I'm enjoying this, and the crowd are whooping and appluading' and I didn't fall off. (Thankfully).  Things I have learned from the day are: if you forget the moves just keep moving and flicking that hair; point your toes more; straighten out the legs for a smoother line; and build on upper body strength further. But I am very pleased with how it all went.  And I am exceptionally proud of my fellow students/performers and of Dawn for being an inspiration.

As for the new target well, I didn't hit my weightloss target but I have lost 3 inches all over in the last month so that has pleased me and I haven't put on an weight either.  I have started a new training routine which I've only managed to complete 4 sessions of end of March and then ended up with a sore knee (due to something else not the new routine) but that's a blog for another day.

2012 for me is all about embracing the fear; fear of those things that sit in the back of the mind; those things that you look at others doing and think 'if only'. This year I've been making it my mission to say 'why not?' Why not me to be the one to take the bull by the horns and start learning a new skill, why not then take that skill and run with it at a performance level? And that's exactly what I did. I have many people to thank for helping me embrace the fear on this the first of my challenges that I've set myself and they know who they are.

So hello personal acceptance with my body, hello new found confidence about performing in public and not solely relying on my voice, hello to the me that I've been looking for for quite some time.  I always knew you were in here somewhere.

So what's next in my challenges for this year.  Well.... I'll tell you more on it another time ;)

Until then, be kind to yourself, as always

Much love

Krissie

x

A New Target, and do something scary? Oh, OK then...

One day I will be able to do this :D

I've become enamoured with the idea that we should all embrace doing something that scares the bejesus out of us.  One of those scary things, for me, is showing my far from perfect body in public in less than a tshirt and jeans. So to do something that invloves having as much bare skin available as possible, in public....well *bites nails*!  I'm not talking naked, oh no but shorts and cropped top and I'm talking shorts as in Daisy Duke's for those that can remember the Dukes of Hazard. So after a very strenuous and fun pole dancing class last night, I have decided to bite the bullet and do my first solo performance in May.

I'm not very good at this stage, I hasten to add, as I'm still learning the basics, I've only been doing proper classes for 10 weeks so far. The spins I am fairly competent with, my climb is getting stronger and I can now sit on the pole with just my legs keeping me from sliding into an ungraceful heap at the foot of the stage (yes I did shout 'Look Ma, no hands' when I finally let go of the pole and just used my legs to maintain grip).  However, I have yet to master some of the extensions and I haven't even begun on the inversions. I have 8 weeks before the performance.  I should also perhaps stop shouting 'weeeeeeeeeeeee' as I fall into the Kamikazi spin :D

The routine will be done only in front of my class mates, other students at my dance school and our family and friends.  And it is for charity. But to say I'm a little apprehensive is an understatement. I know I will only be doing spins and tricks that I am capable of doing at this stage, but me being me I want to be hanging up side down by only my toes or something rediculous like that.  I've always wanted to run before I could walk, and that shows no sign of changing as I get older.  So the old adge of older and wiser ummmm no doesn't exist apparently!  I have fallen utterly in love with pole dancing. It's something I've always wanted to try.  I've never really viewed myself as a sexy person, or a graceful dancer - think more elephant from Fantasia - so to do something that can utilise the strength I do have, build on it, increase my flexibility and be a honest to goodness work out, oh and may just happen to give the illusion of being slightly sexier than a hephalump, then I'm game for it. I'm so in love with it I've bought my own pole. Hurrah!

Armed with Thunder's 'I Love You More Than Rock'n'Roll' (and with a list of 5 other rock and metal tracks that I want to start choreographing routines too), you can say that the bug really has bitten hard.  Now I just need to buy some knee pads for rehearsing so I can stop the perpetual bruising on my left knee.

But what about the new target? Well it's just under nine weeks until the performance and I have 18lbs left to lose to get to my goal weight of 150lbs. There is absolutely no reason why I cannot lose at least 8lbs of that before the performance if not a little more.  I've set my target to 10lbs loss.  I'm aiming to be 158 - 160lbs by the time I perform. And this is the start of the final push.  The end goal is in sight and I'm more determined than ever to get to it.  Everytime I get on the treadmill or lift that weight I see her, the me I know I'm meant to be, smiling at that goal line (still with Platinum discs for music and Personal Trainer of the Year award in hand).  It's a powerful image. If I lose that 10lbs by the performance then I'm in last half a stone terriroty.... I'm almost there.  I'm so damned close.  Hovering in the 75-80lb loss mark as I had for the best part of 3 months, the motivation although still there was nowhere near as strong.  It was almost a 'well, if it's going to come off it will come off when it's ready' sort of attitude.  Now I've broke out of that limbo and the weight has started to decrease again I'm looking at it with a renewed determination and I've taken back the control on that attitude. It's no longer a case of thinking it'll come off when it's ready, it's more of an it's coming off period, attitude.

Pole dancing hasn't just helped in the 'get stronger' stakes, it's given me a new found confidence with my own body.  I have stretch marks and scars from weight gain, both visable and in the old noggin' but they are my scars, I own them and I am proud of them as they have helped me become the person I am now.  They are war wounds from many battles and the war is over, I've won! I'm healthier than I have ever been.  I am happier than I have ever been and I am so passionate about this new found way of being that I want to help everyone reap the benefits of lifestyle change for the better  And if I can do that and have fun swinging from a 50mm thick pole in high heels screaming 'weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee' as I spin..... well why the bloody hell not eh?  I'll let you know how it goes and if it's good, I may even post a video....possibly. ;)

Be kind to yourself, always, you rock!
And Much love
Krissie
x

Another Non Scale Victory....hurrah!

So for, oh I don't know how long, I've been on the hunt for a pair of jeans that will not make me look like I'm wearing incontinence pants or that I'm wearing a waist band a size too small giving that 'muffin' top impression - or worse still both at the same time, which is what my current jeans appear to do.

I have hunted high and low, scoured through racks of jeans, cotton jeans style trousers, bootcut, slim leg, skinny, wide leg, jeans at full price, half price and all the other various offers there have been with no sign of finding a pair that fit, or will not stretch too far and will not make me feel like I'm not a frumpy old bird on stage.

Lo, today broke that trend.  The hubby and I decided to go shopping.  Mainly for me to find some new training bottoms, but I thought what the heck, lets take a trip to the Levi's store and see what they've got.  I've not been able to go in that store without feeling like the fat pretender for a very long time.  The last time I owned a pair of kosher Levi's jeans I was about 23 and weighed about 145lbs. Today I decided to suck it up and see if I actually had achieved one of the win conditions I set myself 6 years ago or if I was still going to be that blubbering wreck in the changing room as I have been in the past.

You see, I distinctly recall when a friend of mine was getting married.  My mother being the wonderful woman she is, took me shopping (my big sister came along too) to buy a new outfit for the wedding.  I tried on various outfits and eventually I had to settle for a skirt and jacket ensemble that did nothing for my figure or self esteem. I broke my heart in the changing rooms that day.  Nothing I tried would fit bar this purple mottled suit. Not my best week by a long shot.  The daft thing is that this didn't stop the downward spiral. I got bigger after that day, and I think part of it was the old 'Oh nothing fits now, I'm never going to be thin, I'm never going to be this that and the other'. It's so hard when that thinking becomes the norm.  It's difficult to really break that cycle.  As the years went on, the hubby was witness to many occasions where I would walk out of changing rooms angry with myself, crying at the fact nothing I wanted to wear would fit this size 26 (uk) weighing in at almost 18 stone girl. It wore me out.

But fast forward back to today. Oh my, what a feeling!

I picked up the blackest jeans that Levi's had in store. I chose the pair that (ok they are the widest waist they have at 32 inches) I thought would be the roughly right size.  Now considering that I haven't measured my waistline in about 2 months, I'm thinking at this point I should have actually measured waist and hips before leaving the house but hey ho. I headed to the changing rooms, removed the current jeans (which are 2 size too big now) and placed each leg into the jeans in turn. I have to be honest I was quite apprehensive at this point and I was really waiting for the jeans to hit my upper thighs and not go any further. But no, they slipped on like a glove, the button closed without having the breathe in (how many of us have done that?) and there was no muffin top.  Yes there was a squeal.

I left the changing rooms, the store clerk asked if they were ok, I regaled her with the tale of how it's been 12 years at least since I could fit into a pair of Levi's and then I walked to the counter picked up a second pair and paid - again telling the assistant behind the counter the same story with a stupid big grin on my face (I complimented her on her rather fabulous purple hat so that was my way of thanking her for listening to the exciting ramblings of this loon) and I walked out of Levi's with 2 pairs of jeans and a huge ego boost.

And the upshot of all this?  It's made me ever more determined to hit my target weight loss of 100lbs. Because if that's the feeling I get now, then the feeling I'm going to get when I hit that target is going to be something pretty special.  And yes there will be a huge blog when that day comes.

Be kind to yourself, always.

Much love
Krissie
x

Listen up sweet craving demon in my head....

Yes I think we all have one of these little demons that sit in our head shouting at us loudly, 'Sugar I demand sugar' to the point it drive us insane.

Well today my little demon sugar addict and I have had a chat. I've laid down the law to it and told it that I will plicate it only when I deem it fit. My biggest downfall has always been my sweet tooth.  I have a love hate relationship with sugary things, especially chocolate.  I love sugary treats with a passion, too much passion, but after consumption they fill me with a self loathing and hatred that I gave in to the sweet tooth and that I sabotaged my own great day of healthy eating.  When I say I give in I don't mean I've had 2 squares of Lindt, oh no I'll have eaten the whole bar. There are days I really can't stop myself. I HAVE to have it. 

I'm still learning to forgive myself for these great big misdomenours and eventually I know that my brain will figure all this out. That the little grey cells will realise sugar isn't really needed as I'm getting plenty of polysaccarides from other sources not just that wonderful, dark, silky delight called chocolate.  I know that the old grey matter will catchup eventually, but eventually in now no longer good enough.  Now it's time to take the reigns off the sugar demon in my head and qwell it's cries for sweet satisfaction once and for all.

Yes it's time for self hypnosis.  I'm a firm believer in the power of the mind, that you can be exactly who you want to be through training the brain. It's something that I used when I first gave up smoking and now I'm going back to it.  I'm so close to my end goal. I'm so near I can see the finish line and the new me just beyond reaching our her lean muscular arms, to embrace the old hagard me and subsume her into this bright light of success with her air of gentle but unquestionable self confidence.  She stands there, a shining beacon of what I can create myself to be.  She's also carrying a double platinum disc with the Triaxis logo on and happens to have a certificate for trainer of the year in the other hand. (Well If i'm shrinking my size my other dreams are going to be big ;) )  I have this clear and distinct image of what I will look like at my end goal.  That is now so ingraned into my thinking that nothing will stop me, except this damned demon that craves sugar.

So me and the demon have had a chat, we're having regular morning meetings where, for 30 minutes, the demon gets pounded in to the ground under the feet of that chisled, strong, lean Krissie that's waiting at the finish line with her double platinum disc and Fitness Trainer of the Year certificate.

I'm not saying I'm giving up chocolate, oh no on the contrary, but this is now chocolate consumption on my terms, on sensible terms. This is now the 'this square is suffcient and I do not need to go and retrieve the whole bar' mindset.  This is now, I do not need chocolate with every cup of coffee, the 'I had fruit and a merginue shell with yogurt as a desert, I  no longer need that Raspberry Ruffle at 10pm'. This is that fabled control that we all strive to gain and maintain. This control comes and goes as the journey progresses.  If you've read my other posts there are months where I have it in abundance and then it disappears completely. But now I am resolved, now I feel ready to really tackle this little piece of the puzzle once and for all.

So, sugar craving demon, time for your next therapy session......

Krissie
x

Happy Anniversary Mrs not so much Fatty McFat anymore...

Yes I know, isn't it mad how time flies?

One year ago today I launched my little corner of the inter web, in the hope that some of what I have learned in this tough, long, draining, elating, joyous, trying, testing, educational, but ultimately life changing (and for the better) journey, may be of help to someone who stumbled upon it in their research for their own.  Little did I know that deciding to write the blog would change my life in the way it has.

I have always excepted the journey of weight loss itself to be one that would have the inevitable ups and downs, that things would change not only in the shape and size of the person on the journey but also inside the mind of the person walking this path. I knew when I started back in 2006 that this was a complete change in my life and that no matter how long it would take, it was going to happen and I was going to have to accept change.

What I wasn't expecting were the emails from people asking for my advice, the people in the gym classes asking me to breakdown the routines because I seemed to get them quickly, the people in the fitness room asking me to spot and support them as a gym buddy.  I certainly wasn't expecting people to start telling me their fears and aspirations and how my few words in this dusty corner were helping them in some way.

I know the cynics out there will roll their eyes and say 'oh but bloggers write to gain that attention from the off', but not always.  The web is a wonderful place but like every village it has it's idiots.  It does afford us smaller folk the ability to say something that we think is worthwhile and maybe something that someone else may think is worthwhile too.  The blog started as a way to keep myself accountable. It started as a way for me to really have to face up to the reminder of the journey that I had committed myself to and yet was stumbling upon. It was a tool for me to ensure that I kept on track and that the world and it's Mum could ensure if I floundered there would be someone saying 'Come on kiddo up you get'.  After all falling down is the easy part.

Since I started the blog much has changed.  I went through a period of mental change, hitting my lowest point in August and realising that I was the only person with the power to really make a difference not only in my body shape and size but in my happiness and mindset. Once I realised that for change to happen and that I had to create who I wanted to be (after all if we're hiding we're not moving forward and to move forward you have to create), and not a false image that I was hiding behind, things were still scary but a whole lot less stressful.  Now the journey was tinged with a certain excitement.  After a that low point in August I decided that I would actually make a career out of the whole weight loss and lifestyle change and start to get proper qualifications in fitness and nutrition to back up my own research and advice.  At the start of this month I launched the website, and although it's still under construction for the final part of the venture (the personal training and weight loss coaching arm), the scary excitement is now more of a 'wow I can actually do this' kind of feeling.

Add to that that I lost over another stone in weight and I finally broke the 80 lbs lost barrier, this last year has definitely been one of serious change. So here we go for the final hurdle of the last stone (and a bit) to get me to the weight that I want to be at. Here's to more fitness qualifications and more strings to my bow. Here's to the music side of my life that is going from strength to strength.  And most of all here's to you dear reader, for sharing in a part of my journey.  After all without you reading these ramblings and sending me your questions and messages, I don't think I would have ever had that brainwave back in August 2011 that has lead me down this new path. So thank you very much for all your comments, tweets, Facebook messages and emails.  They have been very welcomed and very inspiring.  I mean that with all sincerity.

So a year gone, here's to another one, here's to some mad cap adventures along the way but mainly here's to health and happiness.

Not bad for 36 eh?

Be kind to yourself, always.
Much love

Krissie
x

For those who asked about my Cardio workouts...

I've done a little video.

Now you all know I RAVE about Turbofire.  I love it, it's possibly one of the best home workout systems for those who love the feel of an aerobics class that you can get your hands on and so without further ado, here is the madness that i love to do even after an lunchtime gym session ;)

This was round 6.  There was another round of this sequence to come. Rounds 1 and 2 were one sequence, 3 and 4 were another sequence all on the same format of madness.  My Heart rate peaked at 207 bmp, quite literally giving 110% (even though I loathe that saying but in this case it is theoretically possible).

Yeah it's a little vain and self indulgent but who'd have thunk eh, a former 17stone 12lb lard arse, can now do that?

Oh and a Non Scale Victory this week.  Although I think perhaps on this particular range Adidas may be slightly over generous (which I'm told is a rarity for them), I now own and can comfortably wear a pair of UK size 12 bottoms and top for the gym.  Not bad for someone who used to be a size 26.

I am still working on the new career, and will still be blogging, hopefully with more frequency.  It's all go as usual.  So best crack on with the website and the next blog to accompany it which will explain all about my new venture and what's happening with that.

As always thank you for reading my little corner of the inter web, and as always be kind to yourself.

Much Love

Krissie
xxxx