Never say never, say goodbye to negative excuses – part 2!

So according to my last weight in I’ve dropped a pound and you know I’m actually rather please with that, considering I’ve been munching cough sweets as though they were going out of fashion for the best part of two weeks. I must confess, dear reader, that I have been ever so lax in recording my calorie intake for the last week. I’ve been very remiss but, as I noted in the last blog, I’m picking up it again in the morning as I’ve got a new book (I had got to the last week in my 3rd dairy). So I’ve been back in the gym, switching to morning workouts where I can so I give myself more time in the evenings to work on material with the band for album number two, do some bits and pieces for my hobby of LRP and to also spend time with my long suffering other half. And so far it appears to be working.

Anyhoo, onwards and inwards, one pound off is one pound off so it’ll be interesting to see how I fare next Monday.
So in part one of this themed set of two, I admitted to going off the rails and that I’m not kicking myself about it. Well what’s the point? Think about it for a moment. Why do we beat ourselves up so much? Isn’t it about time you cut yourself a little slack and said, no I’m not doing that anymore how can I make this negative a positive? Well that’s exactly what I have done with the excuses that I used for years, the same excuses that I’ve listed below, and the same excuses that got me to becoming and staying fat.

For those of you who know me, you know I’m a stubborn old mule at the best of times, so what made weight loss so very different. Why did I never stick to anything to get the weight off? Mainly it’s because I allowed the little voice in my head to wear me down over and over. She’s still there, quiet in the background, gagged for the moment. There are days I let her out and she gets the better of me, then I shake myself awake and gag her again and put her back in her box. I’ve nicknamed her Pandora, yeah i know obvious eh? What made it all so different and the stubborn mule side of me hide is that I listened too intently to that voice in my head that said ‘go on one more won’t hurt’, the same voice that then said ‘you fat cow look at the state of you’. We’ve all been there. We’ve all seen ourselves as unattractive, fat, whatever. And because we don’t want to listen to anything in case it’s that voice again we close off and retreat inward behind a wall of negative excuses.

So to the negative excuses that I’ve used. It is important to stress that some of these excuses are also very positive. Some, however, are a little more tricky to put a positive slant on, but you change the wording of the excuse and, hey presto, positive affirmations.

Let me start with the one that I opened the whole blog with:

‘But it’s not my fault’

I covered this in the opening blog, briefly. For years I used this excuse to alleviate all feelings of guilt over what I was doing to myself. I hid behind it as a security blanket, as in my own head I had made myself believe that it couldn’t possibly be me that was at fault. Denial can be a terrible thing. It forces us to back away from facing up to the reality of a situation. By backing away from that reality I compounded the problem. The more I denied taking responsibility for my own health the fatter I became. I still hid behind this blanket even as the weight started to come off. As far as I was concerned I had joined a gym and given up smoking, therefore I was taking responsibility. Had I really? I had taken the first steps, yes. But responsibility and openly admitting that it was me that was making me fat? No, that came a lot later on. I carried on for years stating it was this excuse and that excuse, (all excuses lead to this one, which is why I’ve started with it), every single day believing that it couldn’t possibly be my fault. After a conversation with a dear friend in September 2010, I realised that I hadn’t admitted to myself that it was indeed my own fault. He had been on a course through his work that looked at the habits of effective people and the first thing was to take responsibility for yourself.

It was an enlightening conversation and one that resonated with me. So once I had got over the initial shock realisation of, yes I am doing this to myself and that needs to change I started to look at ways I could now make it my asset, how do I make this a positive. By changing the way I looked at food, learning the no so mystical formula to losing weight, I now made what I was doing to myself an asset. As I noted in the opening bog, I was my own worst enemy. I had lost my way with food and nutrition. Once I had admitted that this was MY fault, I started to research all the ways that I could now assist myself in ensuring what I did from then on in was only an asset. So now when I lose weight, then yes, that is my fault just the same as if I put a pound back on.

Admitting that you are responsible for how you feel about yourself and how your actions are impacting on your body is hard, and it’s emotionally draining but it is a worthwhile experience. It’s not something you’ll forget in a hurry. But also cut yourself a little slack, it won’t happen overnight. It does take some time to get your head around, but as with everything else you take it one step at a time.

Of course there are instances where weight gain isn’t your fault to begin with, but don’t ignore the gain if it’s making you miserable. If something has happened and you can’t do any activity etc, then chat to your GP about a programme that will at least help you maintaining weight until whatever ailment has passed. That way you won’t fall into hiding behind the excuse later on and you won’t have to go through years getting off the pounds that it took only a few months to pile on.

‘I have a medical condition’

Oh I used this too. I blamed my lack of weight loss on PCOS if you recall. What a shocking state of affairs. But after being diagnosed with PCOS I clung to the excuse that I had a ‘condition’ with both hands and I was damned if I was letting go (again denying it was my fault). I was under the illusion that this condition which made losing weight difficult was also making me fat no matter what diet I did. Laughable when you think about it, but how many of us have clutched at such things?

If anything having PCOS was more of a reason to research ways to get my weight under control. The PCOS wasn’t making me fat, the sugar, fat and rubbish foods in my every day eating were making me fat. The hormonal imbalance that PCOS brings with it was making it harder to lose the weight I was piling on as your hormones are your metabolism. My whole system was out of whack and I kept compounding the problem. I was given the micro pill to aid in restoring hormone balance. It turns out that perhaps this wasn’t the wisest move as I was piling in more hormones without really knowing what battle my body was fighting. In the last year I’ve moved away from all processed foods, only eating them now and again, and have gone to organic produce as much as possible. I never thought I would enjoy scrubbing potatoes to get all the dirt off them, but I do as nothing beats the taste of home made wedges. Some might say that with all the pesticides in farming and goodness knows what that has been added to animal feed over the years, that it’s a fruitless exercise going to organic, but every little helps in my eyes and if I can reduce the amount of chemicals I add into my system then that's a bonus. Now the hormonal rage as I call it is nowhere near as severe and the weight is slowly but surely coming off. It’s all going in the right direction, and the effects of my ‘condition’ appear to be stabilising.

‘I don’t have time’

This is possibly the most annoying of the excuses I used because, now when I look back at it, it was an out and out lie. When I worked as a professional singer, I worked 4-6 nights a week in the pubs and clubs all around the country. During the day I didn’t work, but did I do anything constructive with my time? No I sat around and watched TV, did a spot of cleaning and then sat down again, lighting cigarette after cigarette eating unconsciously and usually it was handfuls of crisps and chocolate. It’s no wonder I was the size I was. And yes all the time saying it wasn’t my fault. I had lots of time on my hands and chose to ignore that by not being proactive I was causing myself harm. In those 5 years I could have dropped any weight gain and maintained a healthy body, a healthy weight and learned all that I know then, I was so lazy! I guess I just wasn’t ready to face the truth of what I was doing even though I was becoming more miserable and depressed with myself.

When I went back to University at the age of 25, the weight continued to pile on and I still did nothing about it, this time using studying as the excuse as to why I didn’t have time. Silly really, as my university had a free gym so there was nothing stopping me getting in early in the mornings to get in the gym. During this time I also lost my grandfather to cancer, and even that still didn’t make me sit up and take notice what I was doing to myself. If anything I had the frame of mind that life was too sort and it was pointless worrying about these things as it could all be taken away in an instant so why not do what I wanted, smoke, eat, drink and be merry (was I really merry, no not really). I was really in a bad way looking back.

When I had my breakdown day in 2006 I was working full time and doing a masters degree. So if anything it was at this point that the ‘I don’t have time excuse’ would have actually made more sense, but now I rearranged what I was doing and made damn sure I had time for me. I stopped watching any old rubbish on the TV, I got in the gym and I stated taking those first tentative steps to sorting my life and body out. That’s part of the battle I think, making time for yourself. We are so wrapped around everyone else that we need to ‘take care’ of that we forget about taking care of us. So after you’ve read this go for a brisk walk, run yourself a bath and have some you time, you deserve it!

‘I’m big boned’

Yes I’ve used this one as well. I shake my head now, as no one is big boned to the degree that they should be overweight by the 7 stone that I was. Again, it was looking for a way of saying ‘well it’s not my fault that I’m a ‘large’ lady, I’m genetically predisposed to being this way’, knowing full well that both my parents were slender creatures in their 20s and 30s. I despair at myself on times. Alas there is no positive slant that I can put on this, at the end of the day I was fat, I just didn't want to admit it.

‘I’ve tried all the diets and nothing works’

We’ve all been there, haven’t we? Going religiously to our weight loss club, paying our subs and not losing an ounce. We come away feeling utterly de-motivated and worthless. I joined anything and everything in my community centre that was associated with weight loss, when I first started this journey. The daft thing is I had tried half of these weight loss clubs in previous years, and they had failed then so why on earth I thought they were going to work at this point, the gods only know! Again even with weight loss clubs you have to burn more than you consume.

Another thing I came to notice was that I was dependant on their processed food, ready meals etc. I wasn't learning about nutrition. Instead of making informed choices about the nutritional value of the food that I was consuming by joining these clubs I was letting the club do it all for me via their premade foods. The reason these diets didn’t work was because I was still passing the buck to someone or something else to do the work for me. I now realise it’s important to do the work for yourself. It’s also very rewarding when that 2 pound comes off on the scale to know it’s your hard work and efforts in absolutely everything that has paid off. And you’ll be more inclined to keep the weight off as you will have a better understanding of the food you are consuming.

Here’s a little trick that I’ve started to use to maintain motivation, for those days when it flies out the window (as they do still crop up, I’d be lying if I said they didn’t). Day one, take a deep breath and take a picture of yourself, front on full length, side on full length and a close up of your face. Do your food diary and any activities/exercise for about 6-10 weeks. Take a similar set of photos again at the end of the timescale you’ve set yourself and compare them on the computer side by side. And then repeat in another 6-10 weeks and so on and so on. Note the difference in the pictures. You won’t always register the changes in your shape or face because you see yourself every day in the mirror so your brain just replaces the old image with a new one on a continual basis. The pictures also help to reinforce a positive mental image of yourself, so allow yourself to say well done and be proud.

‘Fresh vegetables and fruit are so expensive’

Oddly it’s not the produce that are expensive, it’s how we shop when we embark on a new regime that pushes the weekly shopping bill up. I’ve done the same, started a new healthy eating regime and have gone gung-ho to the supermarket, filling my trolley with lots of leafy greens and weird and wonderful veg I had never tried before. And then I would still go to the processed food in the chiller/freezer and the crisps and chocolate lanes and filled my trolley with those too. It was an expensive shop!

So I did an experiment, and this is something you can do too if you fancy it, it’s quite fascinating:

I did the household standard weekly shop in week one, and bought all the stuff I would normally buy and lots of healthy food on top as I had previously done every time I started a new diet. The shock at the checkout was amazing, over £160 for a weekly shop.... I know, ridiculous. But there were 6 bottles of ‘low cal’ wine in there. The following week, I sat down and pre-planned all the meals and made my shopping list from that. I added in fresh salsa and fresh humus with some celery, bell peppers and carrots to replace snacks. Most importantly I cut out all the crap that I was still buying – no snacks, no crisps, no chocolate, no savouries, no cakes, no biscuits, no fizzy drinks, no alcohol – I left them on the shelf and walked away (it was tough but it had to be done). I spent around £90 on the weekly shopping that week and still had healthy alternative snacks in the trolley, but they were nuts and fruit. Yep I could spend £70+ on crap.... frightening really.

‘I can’t afford to join the gym’

This one my husband used and he’s asked me to include it. When I started at the gym I asked him to join the gym with me and he refused on the grounds that we couldn’t afford membership for both of us. I recall having many a discussion late at night that it would do us both good to get in the gym, as I was very conscious that here I was on this health kick and I could see him doing what I had been doing. Still he refused saying, “I can’t afford it’. In the end I had to use a very hard tactic and it hurt to have this conversation with him. For those of you who read my other blog, you will know that my father-in-law passed away this January after a severe stroke. He had been battling various ailments over a number of years all brought on by that horrid disease, diabetes. I had had the horrible talk with my doctor of possibly developing diabetes by the time I was 40 and that had shaken me knowing how ill my father-in-law had been. Peter had undergone a kidney transplant not long after Gav and I married, he had lost sight in one eye, could barely see in the other, and a few years ago had had his right leg amputated below the knee. It was hard to see such a strong man wither slowly before our eyes. It was hard on Gav who is very much like his Dad. In the end I used his Dad as an example of why he HAD to reassess his lifestyle.

In essence Gav could afford to go to the gym because he ran the risk of following his father and developing diabetes if he didn’t do something about his excess weight that was continuing to increase. It was a very hard conversation to have and one that lead to many tears and some hard things that needed to be said, and these were all the things I had said to myself the day I had my wake up call. As I said this journey is not easy. Your health is the most precious thing you have. Afford yourself, even if it’s a brisk walk/run around the block three times a week, some time to exercise and join a gym if you can. You wouldn’t drive a car if it ran the risk of breaking down on you, would you? Thankfully it was the shake up that he needed to reassess what was happening to him and he joined the gym with me. Instead of saying ‘I can’t afford to join the gym’, he started to say ‘I can’t afford not to join the gym’. And gym membership doesn't mean going to one of the expensive clubs, the YMCA etc all have gyms and fitness classes at reasonable rates.

I don’t know if any of the excuses ring a bell, I’m guessing one or two do. Something that I have noticed about all the excuses I used is that they were all so negative. They were either ‘I can’t do this’ or ‘I can’t afford that’. That negative demon in my head was winning all the time. I’ve started to say, ‘I can do this’. You can be quite stubborn in this too, well we’ve already established I’m a stubborn mule.

There are times when some of the excuses will be reasons, but when those times come, look for ways to not let them hinder you and seek advice from you GP/trainer at the gym etc. Being the best you that you can be does require effort, and it’s not easy as I’m sure you know only too well. But with some simple positive affirmations that you can give yourself, you can make it easier. And yes there will be days when the negative will cloud the positive, and you will say something on the lines of ‘oh I can’t be bothered I’m having a day off’ and that’s fine. Have the day off, pamper yourself a little, give yourself a break, you’ve earned it. Then the next day start a fresh and carry on again. Sometimes we need to have those days where we think ‘oh sod it’. I’ve had that this week, I hit a little low point mid week and I’ve taken the time out to brush myself off and get back up again. Tomorrow I get back to carrying the little black book and noting everything down again, oh and we’re off to the gym. Onwards and inwards…onwards and inwards!

As always, be kind to yourself, and go run that bath and give yourself some papering. You deserve it.

Much love
Krissie
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Slacking off and picking back up, Say goodbye to negative excuses - part 1!

Ok so I've been a little remiss these last two weeks. I've been lazy in recording my daily intake and have been to the gym four times in the last two weeks. Not good! However, I have been a very busy bee. Still that is no excuse, and that's very much the theme for these next two blog entries.

So on with my self imposed weigh in and 'excuses' for being rubbish this week. I have gained two pounds... oh shock horror!



No I jest, it's not that bad, it really could have been worse. Afterall I have gone from 13 stone 6 (the weight I was the week I started writing blog one, I weighed again before I published it) to 12 stone 13 since starting to share the blog with you, a full half a stone which is no small thing. I was 12 stone 11 two weeks ago but the last 2 weekends have been rather hetic, so I'm cutting myself a little slack.

The weekend before last, I was at one of my Live Action Role-Playing events and although the event was catered my portion sizing went out the window, I consumed a few ciders and I did nowhere near as much running about as I normally would. I also didn't drink enough water.... in fact I think I had a 200ml bottle once the entire weekend so I was also dehydrated. I gained 3 pounds. I felt deflated after the event as usualy I lose weight at LRP.

But I looked at the things I did or didn't do, and when I got home I readdressed the balance. I noted what I was eating, I weighed myself on the Monday and then again on the Thursday, and I had lost 2 pounds (now weighing in at 12 stone 12). So all in all I was more or less back to where I had been. And how did I do that, I hear you ask? Simply by ensuring I had enough water each day, stayed within my calorie allowance, and that I hit the gym twice that week. *pats self on head*



This past weekend, I was at a festival from the Thursday through to late on the Saturday night. I was there with the band as we were performing on the Thursday night and although this time, as I cooked, I maintained a firm grip on potion control, I didn't maintain such a firm grip on my alcohol intake. But the other thing that I did ensure I continued to do was to drink plenty of water. On returning late on Saturday I was rather dispondant at how I was going to fayre on the scales this week. Last year at the same festival, when I arrived home I had gained 7 lbs in weight, so I was not looking forward to weighing in but it's all to easy to just think 'Oh one week won't hurt' and then not get on the scales. It's a slippery slope backwards and I'll be the first to say I'd be devestated to go back over 13 stone now.

Sunday I had a lazy day but I kept all nibbles to a minimum, had a late brunch (due to sleeping until 10:30am), had a roast chicken dinner in the early evening and lots of water. I got on the scales and had only gained a pound, which I know I can shift this week with lots of cardio and going back to accounting for my food again. I'm not happy that I've sort of stayed in the same area for the last few weeks but I have managed to do some damage limitation. I'm not excusing myself as I could have done a damn site better, and I should have stayed off the fermented apple juice (or at least had a better grip on how much I was consuming - as it's not healthy whatever way you look at it) but I'm not going to beat myself up about it.



So I'm picking myself back up and getting back into the sadle, here is the plan for this week: I will ensure I maintain my diary, work out more than twice - that's covered as not only do I have my PT session with Peter but I am also booked in for two sessions of BodyCombat this week for the first times since January (I have missed my combat sessions), I shall continue to follow the regime of drinking 2 litres of water before I leave work and I'll leave the cider alone for a few weeks.

Instead of seeing the last two weigh ins as failures, and instead of clinging to the negative excuses of 'But I'm so busy, I have no time' etc, I am accepting that I have been lax and that's OK. I know what I need to do to get that pound back off and hopefully it'll take another pound with it as it goes. That little voice in my head is getting quieter it seems. A year ago I would have been depressed and angry about it all, swearing that I was giving up and never trying to lose weight again as what's the point? Amazing what tiny little affirmations you make can lead to. It's the whole, 'out of tiny acorns grow great oaks' saying I suppose. I guess what I'm trying to say is, the more you tell yourself that' it's OK you can come back from this, you can do something about it', the more you will believe that it is true. And belief is one of the most powerful tools we have. Once you start to believe that you CAN do this, you will do it.

Anyhow, enough of my wibbling away today. The next part of this blog will be up soon and it will look at the very negative excuses I have used in the past and how I changed my thinking to make them work for me in a positive way.

Until then, be kind to yourself and have a fantastic week

K
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The not-so-mystical formula to Weight Loss

Thank you for all the wonderful comments and feedback from the first post in this blog. I was quite overwhelmed at the response. Thank you, I’m stunned. What was interesting were the private messages that I received from people who I thought were confident and happy in themselves saying that it was almost as if it was exactly what was in their heads that was on the screen in front of them. It goes to show that we aren’t alone in our thoughts on how we view ourselves. Again, thank you for sharing that with me, as I know it’s not easy to say these things out loud.

So end of another week and in my self imposed online weigh in (I’m still wondering if this blog was a good idea) I’m another 2lbs lighter at 12stone 12. I’ve not been in the gym much as I’ve had a horrendous cold that has meant I have been at home for the last few days. However, I have been very good at cutting the unnecessary high sugar snacks out these past two weeks.

So what is the secret to weight loss and why is it not rocket science? Why is nothing I’m doing working?

I asked myself those same questions. I asked them before I threw away lots of money on registrations at fat clubs and after I had failed at the same fat club. The answer was simple. I was eating too much and not moving enough. The mystical formula is simply:

Burn more calories than you consume.

That’s it? That’s the magic formula? Well ...yes. Simple when you think about it eh? Although, as I discussed with a friend over twitter the other night, that’s just the basic science behind weight loss. There is also that demon in your brain that you have to contend with too. The weight loss journey for everyone is different. Yes the science of burning of calories may be the same for everyone but the mindset of each person is unique and it’s the mind that is the thing that has to be told how you want to feel and think about yourself. I will discuss that in the next blog, but let’s concentrate on the maths for now.

Eating fewer calories than you burn is easily said, but how do you know that you are eating less calories than you burn. Well that’s when you have to do some simple sums and that’s where keeping a food diary comes in handy. Yes, I who scoffed at mood and food diaries two/three years ago now don’t go a day without writing in one. It’s an interesting exercise and forces you to take a few minutes out of your day (possibly up to four/five times a day depending on if you write in at after each meal or not), and in those few minutes you get to sit, relax and concentrate on you. It’s only a few moments but it’s worth its weight in gold and reaffirms why you are doing this. All you do is account for your food and make a small note about how you feel that day. So on with the science bit...

So the basic premise is this. Your body needs a set amount of calories depending on your age, current weight and height, to maintain your current weight. This is your basal metabolic rate and it changes as you get older and/or lose weight.

There are two equations in use that give a rough guide to how many calories you will burn in a neutral state of being awake, i.e.: sitting up awake and not digesting any food. (Told you I’d been a researching stuff). They are the Harris-Benedict equation devised in 1919 and the Mifflin et al revision in 1990. As I tend to work in imperial measurements I’ve utilised the earlier Harris-Benedict model here and it’s the one I’ve been using since August 2010. But if you want to be all new fangled and metric, this online calculator will give you the Mifflin version as well http://www.bmrcalculator.org/

So working out your basal metabolic rate, you’re going to need a pen, paper and calculator for this:

For the girls: 655 + (4.35 x weight in pounds) + (4.7 x height in inches) - (4.7 x age in years) then multiply the combined total by 1.2

For the boys: 66 + (6.23x weight in pounds) + (12.7 x height in inches) – (6.8 x age in years) then multiply the combined total by 1.2

So taking myself as an example

I weight 12stone 12lbs (that’s 180lbs), I am 35 years old, and I’m 5ft 7 (and a half as I’m gaining my height back from the stoop I developed whilst fat but I’ll not use that half in this example) in inches that’s 67. So my calculation is:

(655 + 783 +314.9 – 165) x1.2 = 1905.48 – so I round it down to 1905. That’s my basal metabolic rate and what I need to eat to just let my body function if all I did was lie in bed doing nothing all day.

Ok but how do I use that to lose weight?

Weight is converted into calories and that gives us the basic amount of calories per day we can eat to lose one pound of weight a week. It’s approximately 3500 calories for one pound of weight. So to lose 1lb a week I’d need to reduce my calorie consumption by 500 cals per day. My new basic total is 1406 calories per day. But I’m active so I’d actually need a few more than that. This article linked here again will give you more information on the multiplier at the end of the equation that you use to give a more approximate reading. http://www.bmrcalculator.org/ There are more links at the bottom of the page and for the scientist amongst us, links to medical sites where abstracts are free – alas the articles have to be purchased.

WARNING: if you sit at a desk all day you are not moderately active, you are classed as sedentary. Don’t do yourself the injustice of over estimating how active you are. You’ll only hit that wall of why isn’t this working again. I know, I’ve done it myself.

It is simple for the most part, and yes there is maths involved, but I only change my calorie base rate once every 6 weeks. I don’t see the point in me changing it every time I drop a pound as long as I expend more calories than I consume. If in the 6 week period I’ve dropped more than half a stone, then I can revisit the BMR calculation.

Once you’ve worked your BMR out then you have your benchmark to work to. I set myself a personal aim of no less than 1400 calories a day and no more than my BMR. If I can stay within that then I know I am on to a winning week. Why? Because the calculation I’ve used is sedentary, and I try to work out 6 hours a week if I can. It’s all about getting up off your arse and moving.

So remember I said a good Heart Rate Monitor in the first blog? With a heart rate monitor you can now see how many calories you burn in your workouts and you can adjust your diet accordingly. But remember working out doesn’t mean you get to eat more, it just means that you give your body a boost to burning more fat and using up those calories that you’ve consumed. It does also mean that nothing (unless you are allergic to it) is restricted. You can eat everything you want to eat. BUT, and it is a big but, when you start to keep a diary put ALL the nutritional information in, the fats, sugar, carbs etc. This will give you an indication at the end of the week of what your eating pattern is really like. Mine was shocking, it contained so much sugar and carbohydrate it was little wonder I was at a plateau. Now I strive for an even balance between protein and carb (they usually take up no more than one half of my plate combined) and try to have as many vegetables and salad as I can. Also if you want a McDonalds, bloody well have one. There is no point restricting yourself in what you can or can’t eat, just be sensible, that’s all there is to it. What may happen for you (and it’s what happened to me) is that you start to go off the taste of fast food. A friend had said she cut carbs out of her diet for an entire week… I was horrified. Not all carbohydrate is bad. Learn what carbs your body needs and then cut the rest out. Don’t deny yourselves, that’s not what healthy eating is about.

Anyway I digress…

So the basic science of weight loss is all that weight watchers and slimming world really do. They work out the BMR of average people in a weight and age range and give a ball park figure for that, then convert it into a diet that is low in saturated fat and based on a points system. But it’s a one figure fits all scenario, and alas, that’s the prohibitive part of it. Plus it’s costs a bomb, so this is all something you can do at home. Save yourselves the money and buy a food diary.

There is another issue that you have to be brutally honest with. How many calories are you burning? I’m active outside of work, in work I sit behind a desk all day. I know that to count the calories I would use walking up and down the stairs to the bosses office wouldn’t be worth counting. I probably burn about 80 calories doing that. I had a shock when I wore my HRM to rehearsal with the band. I would have thought that singing alone would burn lots of calries. Nope, 150 tops for a 3 hour rehearsal. Ballroom dancing – foxtrot I burn about 200 cals in a hour, Jive 400 cals in an hour. But when I relate that to proper gym time. An hour with my personal trainer can be anywhere between 400 and 700 calories depending on what exercises he has me doing. BodyCombat I can burn on average 750+ in the hour, BodyJam and Zumba about 600 cals in the hour. Are you noticing the pattern? You really do have to work at burning the calories if you want to see results. It's not all about food, exercise is vital and toned muscles burn calories efficiently meaning that you continue to burn calories after a workout while the muscle repairs itself and tones. Niffty eh? The body is amazing.

I am now aiming to lose that 1lb a week by being in deficit of 3500 calories at the end of the week. If I’ve ‘saved’ more then woop I’m on a good run and I might just drop another pound. But again I’m not beating myself up anymore if I don’t lose any weight that week and I stay the same. I may have lost half an inch off my hips instead. But what I will do is re-look at my calculations and then continue. Oh and if you have an iPhone or iPod touch - the My Fitness Pal app is wonderful and is a great alternative to a hand written diary... and it works the BMR out for you too. http://www.myfitnesspal.com/

Be kind to yourselves as you go on your journey.

With love

Krissie

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Links

http://www.freedieting.com/calorie_needs.html

http://doctorholmes.wordpress.com/2011/01/27/losing-weight-with-basal-metabolic-rate-the-mifflin-st-jeor-method/

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1091498/?tool=pmcentrez

http://www.ajcn.org/content/51/2/241.abstract

http://www.adajournal.org/article/PIIS0002822305001495/abstract

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/

Thank you!

Wow, I'm overwhelmed by the response the 'My Weight Loss Story' blog has had so far. Thank you to everyone who's read and commented. I wasn't expecting quite the response it had/is having. To be honest I wasn't really expecting any sort of response at all, so I'm a bit taken aback. Thank you again.

As anyone who has been fat and struggled with weight loss will attest to, it's a very personal journey and not always one we are comfortable sharing with others, never mind whacking it up on the interweb for everyone you know (and a lot of strangers) to see. It only took a few days of writing and tweaking the first post, but days of 'umm' and 'ahh' to click the publish button. But I am very happy that I did and it is an enormous sense of empowerment for me.

What has been very interesting is the private messages of thanks that I have had from people, who have said that reading my story was as though they were reading their own feelings and thoughts about bulging waists etc. That the excuses and constant looking for 'oh what now' reasons as to why they can't shift the weight were reflections of their own battles. That has been the most enlightening part for me, personally. I had guessed that I was not the only woman to have ever felt this way about my own body and I know there are equally just as many lads out there who feel likewise, but I was not expecting so many to share their stories with me. And I am honoured that they chose to do so, I hope it was cathartic for them and that their journey is a little less daunting than perhaps it first seemed.

I have been asked if I have all the answers... alas I don't have all the answers, I have only my experience and the books, articles etc that I have read which I am more than happy to share.

I have also been asked if weight loss is different for everyone... well, it is and it isn't. The science behind weight loss is the same for everyone. Everyone's bodies burn fat/calories etc in the same way. BUT the journey of weight loss, through the minefield that is your own psyche.... THAT is utterly different for everyone.

What is a decent weight to be? Again that is something only you can decide for you. It's about where you are happiest. I know that I will never be a size 10.... the only way that could happen is if they resized clothes. I know that according to that horrible and, in my non-expert opinion useless indicator of health, BMI, that I should be somewhere between 9 stone 6lbs (too thin for my shape and height) or 11 stone 2lbs (much more like it). I'm aiming for 10 stone 10lbs but would be very happy at 11 stone 7lbs as long as I'm toned and the best me that I can be. Incidentally I feel that BMI is too loose an indicator of health as some people are predetermined to have larger muscle mass. I know a rugby player who is 'clinically obese' according to BMI and he's one of the healthiest, leanest and fittest people I know. However, having said that as a very rough guide it'll do.

I'm in the process of putting the next blog together on the Science of Weight Loss, but once again thank you for all the comments. It's been very much an eye opener for me and I'm really touched that it's been so well received.

As for this weeks battle, I lost 3lbs (very chuffed). Have had a hiccup this weekend already and gorged on chocolate. I'm only human, and I will have crap days. But the plus side is that instead of eating half the bar and thinking 'oh yes I will finish that and have another', I ate half and promptly felt as sick as a sick thing on a sick day. But onwards and inwards...

Have a great week all and don't worry if you, like me, have a lazy day and slip. Don't beat yourself up about it. Put it down to one of those things, and then pick up where you left off the next day. That is a such a valuable lesson I learned this year. You are human, you will have days where you think 'stuff it' and then you will be down on yourself for not sticking to what ever plan you devised for yourself. STOP, ignore that negative demon voice that picks at you for 'failing'. You haven't failed, you've had a hiccup. Start afresh tomorrow or get in the gym, down the beach, to the park, wherever, just get active and burn it off. Either way, put a positive slant on it and go from there.

Have a fantastic week,

Much love

K
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My Fat Story!

What made me fat? Well if i'm brutally honest, it was me!

I made myself fat because no one forced me to sit on my sofa, scoffing one medium take away pizza, with full chicken and potato combo, 2ltr of cola, 2 packs of big eat crisps with dip, snickers, mars bar, double-decker and probably a tub of ice-cream! Oh yes that was my Friday night ‘treat’. HA! Treat? Give me a break? It was heart attack city in a 5000+ calorie sitting. But I couldn’t see it because I still had this mentality that I could eat what I wanted and that, with a diet the next week and a little exercise, I could shift any weight gain with ease. WRONG!
I’m not quite sure what happened to the athletic child in this picture.

Margam Park and horse riding. I was about ten

She didn’t sit still, always dancing, wanting to be either a singer/actress or athlete (or astronaut, it was all the same to me at the age of 10) and could eat anything she wanted. Then something went drastically wrong... no wait... no it didn’t.  Nothing went wrong at all. There was no momentous occasion forcing the weight to be piled on. The weight crept on like slow moving zombie and I ignored it. You could see it. It started with a few pounds on the hips, then a little more chubby in the cheeks, the jeans starting to stretch a little, and before you know it, you’re 30 years old, 18 stone and a size 24. It also didn’t help that I smoked like a chimney from the age of 16. I became lazy, choosing to sit on my backside in front of the TV instead of getting up off my lazy lard-arse and getting my self into the gym or walking everyday. I ALLOWED myself to become a fat woman. I did it to myself.


My BA Graduation Day


At a friends house, circa 2005

I look at these photos now and think 'was that really me?' Yes, yes it was. She's in the past now, and long my she remain there.

You know there is nothing more liberating than that phrase right there ‘I did it to myself’ because that’s exactly what I did. Knowing full well that if I didn’t reign in the snacks etc I would continue to balloon I carried on, hand to mouth, hour after hour, day after day, week... well you get the picture. The daft thing is we except the fat increase and our image of ourselves becomes trained to view the overweight reflection as the norm. I mean, I really can't believe I allowed myself to get as big as I was in those photographs above. The first step of the journey is to take responsibility for yourself. We're all too quick to come up with a myriad of excuses as to why we can't lose weight. I know, as I've come up with endless excuses myself. I'll do a blog about that later as it's a huge issue in it's own right. Anyway, where was I? Oh yes...

So when did my wake up call and alarm bell go off? I can pinpoint the date, day and time to the exact moment that I realised I was fat. It was 6:45am on Monday January 9th 2006. I had awoken, gone to the bathroom and weighed for my first weigh in after the New Year. The night before I weighed myself that fateful morning, I had written in my new notebook that my New Years Resolutions where to lose at least a stone, cut back smoking with a view to eventually give up and to get into some form of fitness routine. What happened that morning was a huge shock to my entire system. I got onto the scales, having to bend quite far forward to see past my over inflated stomach and large boobs to view the weight. 17stone 12 pounds at 5ft 7 inches tall – being fat was also shrinking my height.

I crumbled to the floor in a gelatinous mess, bawling my eyes out. I got so angry with myself I was punching myself hard in the stomach and howling at the ‘fat, ugly, stupid bitch’ (my exact words) that I had become. After about half an hour, with my wonderful husband trying to convince me otherwise only to have me screaming back at him about how wrong he was (bless him, he’s put up with a lot), I dressed ready for work and went to the back garden. I opened my brand new pack of Dunhill Menthols (and in 2006 at £6.50 for 20, they were the top end of menthol cigarettes and a ‘treat’ ha!), drew one of those white cylinders out, lit it, drew one long puff and promptly gagged to the point of almost being sick! At that point I had my first breakthrough. I extinguished the vile thing, threw the entire pack in the bin and haven’t looked back. To ensure I never picked a cigarette up again, I enlisted the aid of one Mr Paul McKenna by way of his quit smoking CD and listened to it for every night over 4 weeks. It was the best £5 I would spend that year.

Feb 6th 2006 I joined the gym. After all I was addicted to something for a long time and was very frightened I would slip again just as I had every other time I had given up. I decided I needed a new addiction and that was going to be fitness. For the first few months the weight slowly dropped, I hit a plateau at 16 stone 7lbs for a few months. What now? I was working out 6 hours a week in the gym in group fitness classes and there was no miraculous weight loss. Why? What was wrong with me? I started looking to medical conditions that might be inhibiting my weight loss (Oh look there’s that excuse hunting again). As it turned out I had intolerance to wheat in general but also gluten and a high intolerance to dairy (and having been off dairy for the last 5 years I’m now allergic to the stuff and it makes me very ill). So I removed those from my diet, being strict for 2 weeks at the start and then not really minding if I slipped now and then. After all I was being as careful as I could and they were only intolerances. WRONG! If you have intolerances and you are trying to lose weight cut them out all together first as last, your body will thank you for it and it will function a whole lot better.

The other thing I wasn’t admitting to was the substitutions in my eating habits that had gone from bad to horrendous. For example: I had substituted weight watchers chocolate brownies with ‘Free From’ versions, only to find the Free From ones were almost half the calories again. But I had fooled myself into thinking that because they were not making me ill they weren’t going to make me fat. I shake my head now looking back. I inhibited my own progress because I wasn’t thinking about what I was doing with food. Someone once said that we spend all day thinking about food until the very point where it’s really needed; shopping and eating.

I had also been diagnosed with PCOS (Polycysytic Ovary Syndrome) so was using that as an excuse as to why the weight wasn’t coming off. I researched medications that can be used for aiding in controlling PCOS and ended up back on the micro pill to help regulate my hormones (Oh man was that not a good move in many ways). In the UK, they will only give you the contraceptive pill if you aren’t overweight or are showing to be losing weight, and I had it in my head that the PCOS was the whole reason that I couldn’t shift the weight. I was losing the battle before I had even got to the front line. Again I was very wrong. But what it did highlight was that my blood pressure was stupidly high and that I was at risk of becoming diabetic by the time I was 40. That is crushing to hear at 31. Again I didn’t realise that my hormones were already fighting a massive internal battle to regulate themselves because of the PCOS and the chemicals that are added to processed foods, and here I was adding in more hormones. Hello, massive spiral. Needless to say I came off the pill.

The plateau continued and I become more depressed with the state of my health, with me, with life in general. Why wasn't this working anymore, what was wrong now? I canceled my gym membership and tried to go it alone, thinking that perhaps my body was now so used to my weekly classes (now up to 11 hours a week when I could make it), that a change would work and I could save myself money too. Within 6 months I had joined a different gym as I became lazy and started to slip back into old habits. I was now 14 stone 7lbs. Again I went to the doctors and was told perhaps I should keep a mood diary. I scoffed at the idea and thought that that was a preposterous notion. Why, when I was feeling this miserable, would I want to write it down to remind myself how miserable, fat and worthless I was? Afterall I had done all the diets known to man such as the South Beach Diet, The Atkins Diet, Weight Watchers, Slimming World, Rosemary Connelly, Welsh Slim, Blood Type Diet, Tesco online. I was starting to think I would be 14st 7lbs for life... and miserable, fat and worthless. That's how I truly felt, and I still do when the darkness hits but you get through it. But I digress...

In 2010 I started watching ‘fat’ TV to look for ideas and inspiration as to what else I could do. And that’s when the penny finally dropped. Watching programmes like Biggest Loser and Fat Families I noticed these people losing weight and in good measure. Now to some they may feel that the weight loss is too rapid, but if you are burning in excess of 1000 calories every time you work out, are working out 6 times a day, and are eating a healthy balanced diet then ... yeah why can’t you lose 12lbs a week? I don’t have the luxury of working out 6 times a day. But I do aim for 6 hours a week. So if they can do these phenomenal losses (and for quite a number of them, they do keep it off), why can't I do 2lbs a week? What's the secret?

The main turning point in my battle with weight loss (as it had become a battle in itself) came when I realised four simple things.

1) I was my own worst enemy. My mindset was set up for failure permanently because every time I looked in the mirror I saw the fat girl in the pictures above. My own mental image of my body was wrong. Ok so how do I change that? You change it a little at a time, find a process that works for you. I used Paul McKenna again because it worked for the giving up smoking. And I'm still working through this stage. I think this is the longest part of the journey and this part is different for everyone. I'll do a section on mental image and various techniques that have been recommended to me at a later date. But it's worth looking around this area if you get the 'what's the point i quit, I'm worthless, fat etc' demon in your head again.

2) I was still eating the wrong foods and looking at the wrong nutritional information on packets. Low fat foods are not always the healthier option. They may be lower in fat but that doesn't necessarily mean they're better for you. For example: remember those chocolate brownies I mentioned earlier? Mrs Crimble's Free From Brownies are 199 kcals per brownie. Weight Watchers luxury Brownies are only 163 kcals. Wow, I hear you say, that's awesome. WRONG. The Mrs Crimble's brownies contain 16.6g of sugar, the Weight Watchers ones contain a whopping 22g of sugar, per brownie. So what you save in calories you add in as sugar, forcing your insulin to go nuts. Again I'll do a separate blog on the misnomer of low fat food.

3) I will never be a size 10. No seriously I'm in between a 14 and 16 at the moment and I might get down to a 12 but I'll never be super thin and that's ok. I only ever want to be the best that I can be. I want to be a healthy weight for my height, toned and supple and I'd like to be able to do the splits again.

4) I was ignoring simple maths. Weight loss is not rocket science, it took me years to figure this out. You don't need an expensive diet club to help you lose weight. All you need is a food diary, a calculator, a pen and if you're working out in the gym a good heart rate monitor that gives you a calories burned reading. That's it. It's simple mathematics. You work out your base metabolic rate, you deduct the amount of calories you've had throughout the day and you see if you've used more than you ate (which will equal weight loss) or you eat more than you used (which will equal weight gain). Seriously it's THAT simple. The next blog will deal with this in depth, including the simple sum for working out your BMR and I'll put some links to food diaries you can find on line too as they are invaluable.

So I'm currently at 13 stone 3lbs. I have 2 stone 7 to go. But I'm feeling a darn sight better about myself already. I know there will be those of you reading this saying, 'But Krissie you look awesome, don't go losing too much, stop you look fab' etc, bless you, thank you. But sorry I'm going to be quite rude to you here. Please stop! It's nothing to do with how you view me. I am grateful that you think I look great (as it does give that 'yes, thanks I do' feeling for a moment) but for the most part, I don't feel it. And i still have my 'I'm miserable, fat and worthless days', although thankfully they are getting fewer. It's all about how I see myself and feel about myself. That is a process that I'm still going through but I'll get there.


After dinner with the gang from work Feb 2011

So I'm still very much on my journey. I've invested in a personal trainer to help shift the last two and half stone in weight and I'm hoping this will be my breakthrough year. I'm thrilled you've opted to start reading this blog, and if you've got this far, thank you. I hope you'll get something out of taking this journey with me. I hope you'll find something here that will be of use, that might save you some of the tears and dark days that we all get when battling the weight.

Most of all I wish you health and happiness. This journey is hard, but oh so worth it.

Here's to the best you that you can be.


With love

Krissie
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