Following your dream......

So today I resigned from my 9-5 desk job (or, as it has been recently, 7:30 - 6).  This is a huge step, this a definite leap into the unknown. But it's been something that I know I've been heading towards for the best part of two years.

When I started this blog I was already getting questions from people on Facebook, about how I had lost the weight and what I recommended. That gave me the inital idea for No More Mrs Fatty McFat; a hope that by documenting my weightloss and the pitfalls, highs, the education I gained etc that there would be information enough for someone to find and say 'That's what I needed to hear, that's the same as what I tried' etc.  I realised through answering some of the emails and comments that I got through, that there was a plethora of people (not just women) that wanted someone who understood what they were going through to help give them some solid advice. Most had said that when they have joined a gym, some lythe young adult not long from Sports Science degree at Uni was asigned as their inductor at the gym. The person that they were trying to get to understand their issues had never been fat, had never suffered the utter deflation that these people had, and to them it was exceptionally off putting.  Many never went back to the gym after that inital induction and are debating still if they should return.

I realised that I had a vantage point that the Instructors these people had been to didn't have. I have been obese, I have battled with the voices in my head that tell me I'd never be good enough, I have had those 3am binges where you eat until you are sick, I have had the angry screams at myself for allowing myself to become so hideous that I was afraid to leave the house.  I have been there, and I remember all too well what it is like to be that scared, unhappy person. So in August 2011, I decided I wanted to change my career.  I had changed jobs the year previous with a promotion of sorts in work. The job was very well paid but exceptionally stressful, often lonely and at certain points of the year had long hours (the height of festival season no less, so that scuppered the band a little) and I was utterly miserable.  I had spent so long on sorting my health out that now my inner peace and joy was being sucked out of me by the one thing that I felt I had no control over.

Wrong!  And I know fine well that that was wrong. Had I not taken back control of my health? Was I now just putting those fears onto something different? Yes, yes I was. That August, after a rather turse few words with a colleague that left me in a bit of an emotional state, I sat with OH and confessed how unhappy I was with my work life. That I had no joy in the bulk of my day as I sat behind a desk, lifelessly inputting, sorting and arranging data; that ultimately I felt as though I was being suffocated from the inside and needed to refocus my life. We sat and made a pros and cons list about giving up my job and the pros serverely outweighed the cons.  We talked at length about whether we could afford to drop to one income for a while, while I worked on building a client base etc, and I often have wondered if that was a selfish thing to ask of OH and a lot of responsibility to place on his shoulders.  But as he always tells me, we are a team, and when one of us needs to pick up the slack to ensure the other is back to a happy medium, then so be it.  (He's pretty awesome). The decision was made. I was going to re-train and become a Personal Trainer.



It really is, it's how we learn.



After much working out of finances, I realised that although I would have liked to have finished in the job sooner, March 2013 was going to be the goal. So the plan went into action. For the best part of 18 months, I have retrained so that I can offer an all round package for a variety of disciplines. I am a qualified Gym Instructor, I am a qualifed Pole Instructor, I can take small group training and am in the process of completeing the final modules for the Certificate in Personal Training as well as the Exercise to Music qualification so I can teach the myriad of cardio and strength based larger group classes that are out there.  I have done it, I have taken a dream that came from something I had once thought would never be, could never be me.  I want other people to feel what this feels like, that you can take back the control on your health and ultimately your life.  It's a pretty amazing feeling.

I was very touched the other day to get the following message from a friend, someone I met through a hobby:

Today I had a University interview, and they asked me to talk about someone who inspried me, and what I feel I could learn from them.  I told them about you, how you've changed your life in such a great way, and are now living the life you dreamed of.  I told them how inspired I've been by your determination, your kick-ass enthusiasm and how you don't let yourself be the cause of your own failure (by not making excuses to work out etc.)  You really show the rest of us how it's done, that if you want something and are prepared to work hard enough anything is possible. Thanks so much for that.

How awesome is that?  I'm so touched that she thought of me for that answer, and I'm fiercely proud that she's following her dream, and requalifying in what she honestly wishes to do.  Go Girl! It's hard to say, 'right that's it, I'm throwing off the security blanket and giving this a shot'.  But if you have things in place and support from wonderful people, (my friend has her partner's full support also, which is fantastic), and you can cleary make a run for it, then do so. Life is far too short to spend thinking 'what if...'.  Take it by the horns, life is meant to be lived.  And if you read this and think 'there is no way I could do that', then's that's fine, too. Sometimes the timing isn't right, sometimes we have to go a little further along the path to really see the exit.  But never say, never!

I'm not so naive as to think that I will walk out of this job and straight into a 10 clients, 4 bootcamps, 10 pole students a week lifestyle.  Oh no, I'm not that green!  I know it's going to be tough.  I know that I'm going to be working most of the day to drum up business and teaching very little to start, but eventually it will even out.  I know running my own business will be a challenge (I have been self-employed before) but I'm looking forward to it. Most of all, I'm looking forward to not having to think of something to make me smile when I get up in the morning, as there will be plenty to smile about.

So here's to the next chapter, it all starts on April 8th 2013!

Be kind to yourself, as always

Much Love

Krissie

x

A revamp to the website coming soon!

Happy 2nd Birthday blog

Wow hasn't the time flown?  Two whole years. This little corner of the web that I started two years ago has grown fairly consistently, so thank you to everyone who has shared my ramblings, the articles and all the general information that spews forth from this adled brain.  I love reading your comments and hope that some of the information I share is of use.

What started as a project to keep myself accountable to my continuation of a better me (in health and in character) has grown into something much more than that.  It's something I am fiercely proud of and something that continues to bring me great joy on a weekly basis.  I say it everytime and mean it with earnest, that I will maintain this blog with more regularity, but alas time has gotten the better of my yet again.  Hopefully with the launch of the full new venture on April 8th (a date for the diary) I will be posting far more regularly and incorporating a new look to these pages.

I will explain more about the new venture when certain things are in place (I know, I'm such a tease). But for now I want to look back at the last couple of months and share what's been going on.  It's been a tad on the busy side.

Since the launch of the album the band hasn't really stopped.  Even in our down time, we managed to maintain momentum with the album and do as much promotional work as we could.  We had a feature in Metal Hammer, had lots of airplay of the new tracks and announced the 2013 leg of the Rage and Retribution tour, Oh and we also got announced for some festivals and as support to Queensryche (I'm super chuffed with that one as I grew up headbanging to those guys).

Over Christmas, Mr K and I proved you could workout anywhere as we were visiting my parent's (who have retired to Spain), getting some much needed vitamin D courtesy of that giant nuclear explosion called the Sun, and using the local park to do all sorts of crazy workouts. My parents are very lucky, in that that the park right next door to their house has football pitches, tennis courts, bleachers, basketball courts and more, making it a fitness buff's dream come true to get a good workout in on a regular basis.  The Spartan WODs came in handy for me to get to grips with training in different environments (which will come in very useful when I take that module next month to finish off my PT training).  I passed my Level 3 Advanced Training Approches and Anatomy and Physiology modules, and also my Beginner Pole Instructor qualification and I'm coming up to my assessment for my Exercise to Music, and the last two modules for the Level 3. So all is on course to have completed all the main qualifications by the end of March.  I must admit to being utterly in love with training others to find their soul mate workouts, to find somehing that inspires them to be healthy.  It's quite a fulfilling job.

I have purchased a weights bench and some spinlock vinyl, sand-filled weights, for my home gym, which have already proved invaluable.  So when I've been working late and get home I can get a fairly heavy lifting session in without having to go to the gym.  There are absolutely no excuses for me not to workout anymore.  I have so much home equipment now, that to not workout is not an option unless it's a rest day (and everyone MUST take rest days or you are going to injure yourself), or when my parents are visiting as they take over the basement. For those days I can just use my local gym.   I am really looking forward to ramping up my client base and being able to offer so many different training methods to get the best possible results.  It's something that I think every Personal Trainer should be able to do, offer a wide variety of training methods as one size doesn't fit all and if I can make working out as fun as possible then my clients are going to see quicker results.

Figured it out finally!

As for the weight loss, well, I'm not worried about it anymore. I do weight myself periodically but more than anything it's what I'm eating that I've noticed has the biggest effect on how I feel.  If I have chips from the chippy, I generally feel sluggish for the rest of the evening.  If I eat a lot of chocolate (I do have some as I quite enjoy it still but nowhere near the amount I was having and not everyday either), the sugar crash is so horrendous that it's just not worth me having more than a few grams.  My eating is very clean these days.  At the start of January I invested in the KiFit bodybugg to monitor my everyday energy expenditure and sleeping patterns. I have discovered that even though I may be lying down for 7-8 hours a night, I'm actually only getting between 3 -4 hours sleep, and even then it's sporadic and not all in one consistent block.  At most I get a full hour unbroken sleep.  It is little wonder that I wake up feeling dreadful.  And that is also impacting on my physical wellbeing, as I'm not getting sufficient rest.  So to ensure that I am getting more beneficial sleep, I am trying not to use my phone or iPad before bed, and I'm using the time to do my reading and research the old fashioned way, via a good book.  Something else that the bodybugg pointed out was that I wasn't eating enough.  Yes really!  I am far more active than I thought, which is a very good thing of course, but as I'd not being fuelling myself sufficiently then my body had reacted adversely. Now I'm more mindful of how I can pad out my meals and am far more mindful of my snacks and the body fat has decreased, and my energy levels are through the roof.  So it's all going in the right direction.

Something that struck me last night, as I got ready to go to a community gala evening, is how seriously comfortable in my own skin I have become.  Don't misunderstand me, it's been a tough old journey and I still have those days where I think 'urgh', but now it doesn't matter what people think of me or how they view me.  I am happy with me, and sure there are little things I think could be improved but isn't that the measure of success?  I've stopped comparing myself to others, because it doesn't matter, it really doesn't.  I'm me, and no one else is.  The only person I need to compare myself to was the person I was yesterday and even then it's not about how I look, it's about how I act. I've completed what I initially set out to do and that was to get healthy and to lose weight.  My goals are vastly different now.  I still want to be the best me that I can be, of course, and increase my own strength to show to myself what my body can achieve but I'm more concerned with how I am as a person and how I treat those around me.

We make mud look damned good!

So things that are coming up in 2013! Mr K and I have got our Season Passes for the Spartan Race UK this year.  That will be kicking off in August and hopefully we will be completing the Trifecta in November finishing with the Beast (a half marathon with so many obstacles it's not funny, but I love it!).  We hope to do at least 2 of the Zombie Evacuation runs, as they were great fun last year.  There may even be a Tough Mudder in there somewhere if we have the time.  I have some ideas for projects that I will start once the new venture has launched (April 8th remember), and I will be starting to teach one to one pole lessons from home for a while as well to build that up, as well as improve my own training and technique when it comes to pole. It's all go presently, and to top it all off we're back on tour with the band which makes me even happier.  Always the performer ;).  I'm so busy I don't sit still for more than a few seconds, unless I'm writing a blog of course.  And you know I wouldn't have it any other way, I am loving life right now and long may it continue. 

htpp://www.krissiekirby.com

new content coming soon

Be kind to yourself, always

Much Love

Krissie

x

That's one off the Bucket List

Last year when OH's cousin Jim passed away at the very young age of 36, it really brought it home that life is short.  Yes it really is, if you stop and think about it for a few moments.  How quickly has 2012 gone by?  Have you noticed that as you are getting older, the time seems to move much faster?  Have you found yourself remarking that 'crumbs, 2013 came around awful quick'? That's life being short, that's life moving fast and if we're not careful there will be things we wanted to do but 'didn't find the time for'...I really dislike that excuse.  So it frustrates me when people say, oh life isn't short at all.  In the grand scheme of things, yes it is, we are here for a fleeting moment so let's make the most of it!

Live!

Sorry, getting on my soap box again, aren't I?

Where was I? Oh yes, so after Jim passed away, I decided to finally make a list of all the things I wanted to try, and to carry on adding to it.  I have started to put them on a board on my Pinterest account (feel free to have a browse around my mad pinnings if you're a Pinterest pinner).  One of the ones on my written list was rock climbing.

I have a very rational fear of falling and hitting the ground as a sloppy mess, I dislike heights for the most part as well but this is something that I know I can get over with some work, the fear of falling though I'm not so sure.  CJ and I were looking for something different to do as part of my belated birthday treat.  The downside of having a birthday so close to Christmas is that it's usually difficult to get everyone together to do something, as we're gigging or there are office parties, or a myriad of other things... oh and Christmas itself of course.  So I tend to not really bother celebrating my birthday, but this last year I decided it's worth doing something to mark the occasion, even if I have to leave it a month or so.

So we had decide we would try rock climbing, and as luck would have a coupon for a sizeable discount appeared in our inboxes from one of those coupon companies the very next day.  I rang the climbing centre and instead of £12 for a taster, it was £5 each.  Wonderful, it appears the Universe agreed that we should go and give it a try. (I love little signals like that, coincidence or not, it doesn't matter I still take it as a sign it's the right move).

Three of the walls we climbed.

Off we went to Boulders in Cardiff to have an hour and half taster session of indoor climbing.  And you know something it wasn't as bad as we anticipated.  Neither of us froze on the wall. Neither of us screamed to be taken down. And although some of the climbs were more difficult than others, we attempted them all and did the best we could. And that's something to be very proud of, by both of us for both of us. We didn't give up, we didn;t stand hands on hip looking blankly at the wall thinking 'there is no whay we can do this'.  Oh no, we took the walls on and no matter what we were going to keep giving it a go.

It's the first 'done that' on that bucket list. And why not? Life is meant to be lived, enjoyed and filled to the brim with the good stuff.  In my last entry, I talked about celebrating the little things, and this is one of those things that I can now look back on and say 'I did that, I took on a fear of mine and I proved I can do anything'.  We celebrated as only we girls know how, with a coffee anda small slice of cake for me and a panini for CJ, and talked about all the other stuff that we want to do together and with our respective OHs.

Sometimes we have to go out of our comfort zone to truly know what we are capable of, and you may surprise yourself at how strong, determined, and daring you can be. So the bucket list is filling up with the crazy, the cool, the scary and the silly and I'm looking forward to ticking more off.

Until next time, be kind to yourselves
Krissie
Xx

Celebrate the little things...

Happy New Year. I hope you all had a wonderful festive season?

So this entry started as a Facebook update, but I soon realised I had more to say than a status update will allow, as usual, so here is a quick blog.

I had a great session in the gym last night.  After all the trouble with my IT band irritation and all the recovery I've done for that, then hyper extending my hamstring before Christmas, I was very worried that I would have lost a lot more strength than I have.  As a few of you may have read, when I developed IT band irritation and it persisted, I was told to rest by my physio and to cease with heavy lifting in favour of body weight exercises in what is known as active recovery. Knowing very well that all I would be able to do is maintain cardio fitness by swimming and easing back into running, I took his advice and knew that it would be better to return with a lower weight and rebuild my strength back up as I would have lost quite a bit of strength over the 9 weeks of recovery that I eventually took.

The deadlift

So, walking into the gym last night night, I approached the  Smith Machine with the intention of working out my 1 rep max for all my free weight exercises (for those of you who are unsure what that it, it is the maximum amount of weight you can lift in one repetition, with good form, but know that you can't lift that same weight for a second time without sacrificing form).  I would have preferred a free bar that you can add plates too, but my gym doesn't have one, only pre weighted barbells that stop at 40kg which are brilliant for when I do my sets. Working out my 1RM is important.  It helps me gage where I am in my strength but also allows me to set my weight correctly for the style of resistance system that I use on a given day (there are many styles in setting your sets believe it or not). Imagine my delight that, even though I have dropped all my heavy lifting down to almost half of where it was when I took time off to recover, I was still able to dead lift more than my own body weight.  I thought I was dead lifting my actual body weight, when I tweeted my delight last night, but actually looking at my weight chart this morning (I'm doing a body analysis thing which I'll explain in my next blog), I am dead lifting over my body weight and weight less than I though (cue huge grin). I am also back to almost my heaviest in the back squat.  To say I'm thrilled is an understatement.  I admit I high fived the OH and then did a very girly jump and dance about the gym, much to the amusement of everyone else.

A very girly dance

For you numbers people:  I weigh 74.8kg and I lifted 77.5kg in plates on the bar (not including the bar weight as it's not marked so I have no idea how much that weighs, so I'll just go solely on plates until I move to a gym with a 10 or 15kg free bar).  I am beyond delighted.  I honestly thought I would have lost far more strength than I have. It also means that I can now increase my weight correctly for the sets I want to do, and ensure I'm not cheating myself in going too light.  I love lifting heavy, it gives me a real sense of accomplishment and makes me very aware of how my body functions through the movements and how strong the human body is.  Now I am fully armed, once again, with all the details to make my workouts as effective as possible.

Stop being a slave to the scale.
It's a guide, that's all.

It's reminded me that no matter what life throws at us we are always much stronger than we realise, body and mind, and that sometimes we need to just go all out to remind ourselves exactly how strong, focused and determined we can be. Little achievements and successes should always be celebrated, they make everything else shine and put all the nonsense we subject ourselves and are subjected to, each day, into perspective.  In the weight loss world we call a success like that an NSV (non scale victory) and I think these are the more important victories.  The scale is a guide and should only be looked on as a guide, it is a number, it is not lord and master.  Or clothes are also a guide, and give us a better understanding of where we are than a number. And our achievements in any movement should be cause for a celebration of sorts. For Example: can you reach your hands further to your toes? Can you finally touch your toes, where as you couldn't 6 months ago? That's success, and a guide of improvement of some kind.  And they should be celebrated because when you have that day when that voice says something negative, or self defeating, you can say 'maybe but I can touch my toes and I couldn't do that last year.' It's a positive for your attitude arsenal. Use it, own it, celebrate it and throw it back in that voices' mug when it rears it's ugly head.

Look at what you've achieved.
Celebrate it.

These little things change your perspective from one of self defeat to one of self acknowledgement in how far you've come.  There are times we need to look behind to move forward. But don't look at them with negativity, those past things, look at them with a sense of achievement and celebrate that achievement no matter how small.  My celebration last night was to jump around the gym like an idiot with a great big grin on my face.  Yes the boys in the lifting area looked at me daft, so what?

So celebrate all your little achievements, no matter how small. They are the very things that make you remember why you are doing it in the first place.  And  if you're in the gym ask one of the trainers about working out your 1RM, ask them about lifting and techniques and they will be more than happy to chat to you about it, they may even offer you a free taster session if you are lucky.

As always, be kind to yourself

Much love
Krissie
xx

Well that was 2012....

So 2012 had it's serious highs and devestating lows.

Triaxis 2012
Photo by Owen G Richards

All in all, most of the year has been fantastic. The band got signed, we released the new album, we toured outside of the UK for the very first time and we got to play (albeit an acoustic set) at one of our favourite festivals. These were definite HUGE highlights of the year and something I am fiercly proud of. For those of you who have been paying attention you know how much music means to me.  So for the band to have taken the steps that we did this last year, it has really been something special and worth all the blood, sweat and tears.  So a massive thank you to everyone who bought and album, came to a gig, got a tshirt or just introduced a friend to our music; you are all awesome and the reason we do what we do. We appreciate it so much.

But in 2012 I realised a number of things, achieved a few personal goals and fell in love with some new ways of keeping myself active.

Kirby & Roberts
Trouble is our middle name!

In January I took up Pole Dancing, as you may have heard me mention in the odd post. It was something that I had been meaning to do for a long time, but had always used that lame excuse of 'I don't have enough time'.  So I made time for one class a week and instantly fell in love with it.  It's hard to explain what I love about it but it gives me a new found confidence and something to build my strength for.  As anyone who works out will tell you, while we love the feeling we get from exercise it is still handy to have something to work towards the forces us to switch up routines etc.  For me a huge motivator is pole. As a unexpected and exceptionally welcomed plus point, the instructor at my pole school also happens to be a raving nutcase (in a very good way) and someone who shares my sense of humour.  She has fast become one of my closest and dearest friends and I am blessed to have met her (yes Roberts, I'm gushing about you again).

Pole Pride Showcase
May 2012

In May I took to the stage for my first pole performance.  September, I joined the ranks of the Pole Pride Performers ( a great bunch of girls and boys who are a joy to be around and are exceptionally talented), and then this month we had a second showcase at which I performed all in aid of a local cancer hospice and so far between the two shows we've raised £1600.  For something that started outside my comfort zone, I feel very at home performing on the pole.  And to top a year of poling off, in October I took part in my first professional Pole Photo shoot with the very wonderful Miss Moth Photographic Arts.  I think what I love about Pole Dancing, isn't only that it challenges my fitness and body strength but that it also forces me to seek a grace between each transition, to not just plough into trick or spin without adding some flow to the movement. It speaks to my outward front person and inner frustrated dancer.  It's a marrying of disciplines and something I will definitely be progressing further in 2013.

First Pole photo shoot Oct 2012

With Alethea Austin

I also had the great opportunity to have masterclasses with two of the world's greatest pole dancers.  In June I had the privilege of managing my first invert under the guidance of the amazing Pantera Blacksmith (who has the most amazing tattoo) and then at the start of this month I got to do two classes with the equally brilliant Alethea Austin, who (with a LOT of help from Dawn) gave me tips to enable me to do my first shoulder mount (Alethea appears in the Tom Cruise film, Rock of Ages based on the West End show). I have also signed up to gain my basic pole instructor qualification (REPs recognised) with the wonderful KT Coates. 2013 is going to be a very busy year but more about that later on ;)

Continuing with the fitness theme (well this is a fitness blog after all), I also fell madly in love with obstacle course racing.  In 2011 a good friend posted a video to my Facebook wall about a race called The Spartan Sprint. This video had me intrigued.  I watched with wonder at these people happily flinging themselves through lakes, rivers, over walls, crawling under cargo netting and barbed wire, jumping over fire pits and battling Spartans with pugil sticks to win a shiny medal.  Curious about this wondrous vision, I started to research this possible new fitness madness that I could get involved in. (As with pole again I need to have something outside of the just the usual routine to work towards or I notice I get lazy with my workouts - I am my own worst enemy as many of you will have gathered reading previous posts).  I soon realised after watching, reading and learning all I could about the Spartan series that it was more than just wanting to win, more than just the shiny medal at the end, it was about finishing no matter what.  It was about facing obstacles head on regardless of what you expect and just getting to that finish line because then you know.

Boobs and Determination
I have an abundance of both ;)

So in September of this year, OH and I donned our trail runners and with a knee injury in tow ventured to Atherstone in the Midlands to take part in our first Sprint. Yes the Spartan tag line seems convoluted, and kitsch but in all seriousness you do know at the finish line just what you are capable of. Running 6.5km over 15+ obstacles with a knee that was on fire for the last 2.5km, wading through 2.5km of river water and falling face first into red dyed ice, well that was possibly the most fun I have had in LONG time.  It was something I was looking forward to and something that I enjoyed beyond my initial expectations.  It also opened a whole new community to me and one I am fiercely proud to be a member of, The Spartan Chicked Group. I was thrilled with a bad knee and queues at the obstacles we finished with a respectable time of 1hr 40mins.

Best fun ever!

RARR Zombie!

So with the love of obstacle course racing now firmly planted in the nogging, CJ, Giles, OH and I took part in the inaugural Zombie Evacuation Race in Cambridge in October.  It was an absolute hoot.  Nowhere near as much mud as the Spartans but the main obsactle this time were the zombies and they were absolutely brilliant.  With the course being over 5km, much of which was open running through sleet and rain, the obstacles came in to force near the end of the run with the greatest being the zombies. And the knee, although painful towards the end, was no where near as excruciating as it had been before I started the rehabilitation of rest, acupuncture and slowly rebuilding my strength training programme. It's given me a new found insight into what lies ahead in my role as a Personal Trainer and has highlighted the importance of finding a good physiotherapist who will help me look after my body while I get others in shape.  For Christmas this year, OH and I have bought each other season passes for 2013 Spartan Series in the UK. I can't wait...watch out Hobbi Call ;)

CJ and me at the Race for Life
Cardiff 2012

2012 also saw my 6th Race for Life, with my best girl CJ accompanying me on her 2nd Race for Life.  As most of you know this is the main charity that I fundraise for, and is something very close to my heart, likewise with CJ and Giles.  So I am thrilled to say that over the last six years we have raised £1910 and on top of that HMRC have given £481.27 in gift aid.  I can't begin to tell you how pleased I am that people have given money to us girls who race around a park on a summer's morning/evening having a good giggle, and a knowing nod at the pink patches.  Understanding how everyone of those ladies feels for the ones they love who have suffered and lost or survived cancer makes it important for myself and CJ that we keep doing our small part. And as a whole, it's something we support as a band. So a huge thank you to everyone who sponsored us in 2012, we will be running again in 2013 and I shall keep you posted.  I hope you'll help us get over the £2000 total.

Sadly 2012 had it's serious downside. In late September we received the news that Gav's beloved cousin James McCubbin had suffered a heart attack and had passed away.  This floored us completely, not least due to James only being a few months younger than myself and had died aged 36. But also in that his wife is fighting breast cancer.  It left the family utterly devastated and in a state of disbelief.  I can hear his laughter when I think of him.  He was a man who loved life and we have to accept that he is no longer present in person, but lives on in how we live by loving life as he did and by remembering him with love and fondness. We miss you Jim.

However the year is ending on a high, the album launched to great reviews, we toured, and my first proper training client has messaged me to say she's lost her first stone in weight just by changing two simple habits in her diet and moving more.  I'm so proud of her, she's a great person and with three children and husband, and helping out at her mother's shop, she's done amazingly well proving that if you want it, nothing will stop you.  Well done, Femi, I'm so very, very proud of you :D

Before 2006                 After 2012

In my own weightloss journey I hit a few milestones. Firstly I officially ceased to be clinically overweight.  I dropped to a weight where no longer do the medical bods think that all my problems are weight related.  As anyone will tell you, who is overweight, it becomes a bit of a bind when every time you go to the doctors the first thing they say is 'oh it's because you are over weight'.  It's frustrating. I also had a mental breakthrough and it came in the simplest of ways.  For years as you know I have battled with 'Pandora' my naysaying inner voice and I struggled to find ways to get her to shut up.  After my pole instructor said it was time to put some before and after photos up on Facebook, I sucked up the corage to confront my old pictures and see the me as I was.  Boy was I in for a shock.  I didn't recognise me at all in that picture, and you can read my blog about how it felt to share that picture here. But finally saying sorry to myself and forgiving myself whole heartedly for what I had done finally quietened the voice down.  Finally she sat back and it was as if she said 'There, that's all I was after.' I know look at that picture and think, 'well done me'. And rightfully so, I'm proud of how far I've come, and though I am no longer fat, I have some fat that I would still like to lose but the weighing scales don't have the control on me that they once had and that is a HUGE breakthrough! This is now about just getting me to where I feel comfortable in myself, but for the most part I already do.  But there is always room for improvement.

So as 2012 draws to a close, I recall that for the most part it's been a fantastic year, with the band going from strength to strength, the fitness side of things really picking up, my own fitness and weightloss journey continuing in great strides what is left for 2013.  Well, I am always on a journey of self discovery and 2013 is the year that things will change greatly.  I have plans afoot that will come to realisation in the first quarter of the year.  The band will be back on the road and who knows where that will take us. I am studying to finish the final assessments of my Personal Training Cert as well as taking my Exercise to Music qualifications and pole training qualifications.  I have so many fitness quails I want to take to really increase my flexibility and adaptability to the ever changing world of fitness. I am also looking at ways to incorporate obstacle course training into basic personal training to give my clients something different to the run of the mill bootcamp style training.  All in all, 2013 is looking to be a great year, and while I am sure there will be hurdles and dips, the highs will once again outweigh them greatly.

So to everyone who has read my blog over the last year, thank you for reading my ramblings.  It is appreciated.  And I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and a very Happy New Year.

Here's to 2013 and don't forget to be kind to yourself, you ROCK!

Much love
Krisse
xxx

Do what you love to love what you do :D

Photo Credits:  Triaxis group photo: Owen G Richards
                         Kirby & Roberts: Kat Jennings
                         Spartan Pics: SpartanRace.com
                         Zombie Evacuation: ZombieEvacuation.com
                         Pole Pride Shocase and Photoshoot: Miss Moth Photographic Arts
                         Krissie performing picture: Anthony May, FestivalPhoto
                         All others property of KrissieKirby.com

A work still in progress....

A few weeks ago my dear friend and pole instructor posted on my Facebook wall that it was about time I posted some before and after pictures of my weight loss journey. I made the excuse that I needed to scan some photos on to the computer first. Truth is, I was still fat when digital cameras become the norm and, though I tried to always be the one behind the camera, there were pictures of me in that before phase lurking on my computer and various social sites.

No matter how hard I have tried to ignore her, she's always been there, lurking, waiting, a phantom of my past scratching away in the background, and I was desperately ashamed of her. I wanted her to disappear, to vanish into the digital ether, never to return and show me what I had done to myself.

I guess I just wasn't quite ready to look at that before picture and say 'I'm sorry' to myself for being that unhappy and for letting it all get so out of control. I'm not sure what I was running away from at the time, and at the time it must have been very painful and important. I suppose part of it was losing my Grandfather to leukaemia but this downward spiral had started way before Grampa became ill.  No this started before then, but now, over six years since the before picture was taken I'm hard pressed to recall what was making me so miserable that I had pretty much given up on myself. The only good constant at the time was (and thankfully still is) my solid marriage to possibly then most understanding person I have ever met, my beloved hubby. Everything else, well it's a bit of a blur and all a bit hazy.

However, yesterday I sat with my finger hovering over the post button on Facebook with the comparison before and after picture, shaking at the prospect of allowing the social network world see how I used to be, who I used to be, the mess I used to be. And here I sat, scared of the judgements that would be dished out.

I should, and do know better. There never was any question of people being judgemental. In fact, quite the opposite. The comments I received were amazing and I am sincerely grateful to everyone who posted.  As my American cousins would say, I was feeling the love. And then it struck me. I needed to say sorry to myself, for putting my 21-30 year old self through all that unhealthy behaviour.  I know I've often talked about not listening to that voice when she rears her head but have I actually, properly said sorry to myself? Not until today, I hadn't and I meant it. I sat here, looking at the 30 year old me in that before picture, struggling to fit her hands in her jeans pocket and said how sorry I am that I screwed our 20s up. How sorry I am that I didn't look after us, and that we have come out the other side smiling, happier and far healthier.  And Pandora and I have had a good sob. Yes she will have her moments when she creeps up with her self doubt and snide remarks at how rough I might look after a gig night, but she's/we/I am only human.

So here it is, the before and after picture.  The before on the left taken in Boscastle in April 2006, and the after (although I still have another stone I want shot of) picture taken in June 2012. There is still work to be done, inside as well as out, but everything is on the upward spiral, and life is good.

Be kind to yourselves, always

much love

Krissie

Xx

Knee Rehab... it's going to take time!

Apologies in being remiss in updating this blog over the last two months.  It's been a busy ole time on the music side of things with the release of the album and the first dates of the tour that I've not had a moment to stop and post anything.  I must do better ;)  However, when logging in today I found I had a post fully written ready to go that I had completely forgotten about regarding my knee and the rehab that I was under taking to get myself fit again.

Rest? Really?

So come back in time with me now, to Sept 9th, the Spartan Race had finished and I was in agony with my knee. So much so that I started to put in some serious research and time into how best to cope with IT Band syndrome and how to heal myself. In the end I consulted my physiotherapist as, to be frank, he's the person who is going to know best.  His advice, REST, acupuncture, REST, massage, REST, specific exercises and, oh yes, REST.

Me to a tee!

For those who know me well, you'll appreciate that me being told to take it easy and get some proper rest is like telling the sun to stop rising, it's just not going to happen. So to hear my physio say, 'you have no choice, it's rest, massage, physiotherapy and acupunture, or you seriously pose a risk of never being able to run more than 4km again, ever', was utterly heartbreaking to hear. Devastation set in and my entire mood took a downward turn.

I live for exercise. It regulates my hormones like nothing else, it staves off the red mist that descends (far less frequently than it used to), it stops me reaching for the snack jar because it keeps me in a happy, positive frame of mind, it actually surpresses my cravings for sweet things (which is great), and it generally makes me feel good.  Everything in my day is made much more positive and joyous by the inclusion of exercise. Plus I love it. I enjoy getting all sweaty after a good cardio session. I love lifting weight and seeing if I can push myself harder.  I love doing plyometrics and seeing how far I can really take my anerobic threshold. I just plain, flat out, LOVE to exercise.

But that week and the week after, I spent much of it in a low funk. I even cried. I'm woman enough to admit it. I cried like a baby, at the prospect of not being able to compete in the Zombie Run that was coming up at the end of October.  I cried at the thought that my new found love for mud and obstacle course racing would be over while still in its infancy.  I cried at the thought that it might put the block on my dream to become a top class personal trainer in the UK.  I cried, a lot.

BUT, after my first session of acupuncture, my knee seemed to feel, well, normal.  Now I know after one course of treatment that it isn't going to be cured (and there is a distinct possibility that this IT band irritation will never be wholly cured), but my god what an amazing difference.  Seeing these weird little needles sticking out of your leg is a little..hmm..odd. And feeling them being twisted or stimulated every 5 minutes, again just plain odd. But my physio was right on two counts, 1) I slept like a baby the night of the treatment and 2) the pain comes back excruciatingly but only for a few hours and then you feel like you could do a marathon.

However, I was a good girl and I took his advice. No running at all for 4 weeks, which was hard, but eventually I didn't run for 7 weeks.  I was not allowed to do any weight bearing exercises other than body weight and no sqauts or lunges were allowed in the 4 weeks rest period.  Anything to decrease the repetative strain, as essentially that's what it is. OK so that meant TurboFire was out as well, likewise Insanity. So only the upper body portions of P90X? Yep that was good.  So what else could I do to maintain exercising and fat loss, without being tempted to get on the treadmill and squat like my life depends on it with a 30kg barbell?  Well, said my physio, get in the pool and swim! So back to swimming I went.  I haven't been swimming since I did a severe sprain of my ankle back in 2007.  So I sucked up my pride and  reinstated my membership at my old gym.  This serves two purposes anyway, as once I had the all clear I was able return to my old pump, combat and attack classes that I love so much and I have missed them.  And also pole dancing was still allowed (Get In). Add to that pilates to continue to strengthen my glutes, frequent sports massages, foam rollering and more acupuncture, and the path was well set for a full recovery. *crosses everything and prays to whoever is listening*.

So having had 5 courses of acupuncture, regular massages, lots of foam rollering, and no niggles when I eventually made a combat and some pump classes, I decided that I would now test the knee with a 5km cross country obstacle course race being chased by zombies....because that's what you do to test if you've recovered of course.  But more about the Zombie race in the next blog.  Thankfully the knee, although it did irritate and the searing heat of the IT band inflamation started at about the 4km mark again, the recovery period afterwards was far quicker.  Straight on with the ice patch after the race, knee elevated for the rest of the night at home and the next day no pain when decsending the stairs.  After the Spartan Race it took almost a week for things to go back to normal, now it's taking less than a day.  This is serious progress.

Last night was the real tester.  I hit the gym for the first time in now almost 9 weeks (I ended up with a very bad cold after the Zombie run so thought it best not to train especially with gigs the following weekend - play it safe).  I decided to go straight back into my old routine (but adjusted my weights down as I've lost some of my strength), just to see how I'm doing in the recovery stakes and thankfully I ran for my full 10 minute cardio blast on the treadmil (doing just over a mile) without a twinge.  I did some weighted squats, lunges and single leg deadlifts and still no twinges. So all in all, the rest did me good.  There is still some way to go as I'd like to do the Super Spartan next year and if my knee allows the Beast as well so that I qualify for my Trifecta. But we shall see, something this injury has taught me is that if I want it badly enough then I have to be patient and let my body heal properly.  So for the interim I'm sticking to the 5k races, but it feels SO good to be active again. It's been a hard lesson to learn.

Anyhoo, until the next entry! 

Be kind to yourselves,
Much love
Krissie
xxx